Today, as I was walking by Emerald avenue, I started to realize a few things about my life so far. Lately I've been sulking around because of the fact that I'm completely not used to being single, I love the intimacy that relationships bring, I love the so called "duties" that come along with it. Always having someone around you when you need to watch a film, never feeling like a 3rd wheel or a 5th wheel for that matter when you're surrounded by couples. Always having someone to go to when you feel lonely, or when you've had a bad day, and having someone to give you that more than friendly hug when you really need it. Today I realized that I'm getting used to being alone. I watch movies on my own, or with a bunch of friends (even if I do end up being a 5th wheel). I shop on my own, I go around the mall on my own, I wake up alone. I'm starting to learn how to breathe on my own again. Little by little, I'm getting used to doing things on my own, enjoying tv shows on my own, enjoying food on my own or whatever it maybe.. I'm just starting to like hanging out with myself.
A friend of mine joked about setting me up with his girlfriends' friends, the girlfriend immediately said "why would I do that?" Now normally this would've been a crushing blow to my pride or my ego possibly thinking to myself "Why? am I not date-able?" Today it didn't affect me as much because I know now that I'm not ready to do so. I want to, definitely but I'm sure I'm just not ready for it yet. I've always had a safety net, I've never really recovered from a break up "cleanly".. I've always had someone on the bench (or something to that effect). This time around I have to get through it on my own, I have to be able to stand on my own two feet again without using crutches. I need to be able to rediscover myself. Cliche as it may be people always say that before you can love others you have to start loving yourself. I honestly think that because of the fact that I'm so used to being in a relationship and having someone there who loves me, I've sort of forgotten how to love myself. This time around, I'm learning to do so. I'm remembering what I like about me, I'm remembering what I feel is special about me and I'm really getting to know who I am and what I'm like.
It's not easy discovering things about yourself specially when you thought that you were the complete opposite of what you just discovered. But sometimes you just have to play through the pain to get what you want or basically to get what you need. It may take long, but I think that at the end of it all, it'll be worth it.
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i'm in the same situation as you.. :/ re-discovering myself again.. trying to pick-up the pieces.. :/
ReplyDeleteBeing alone as always is not bad. Being alone means learning to do things on your own... it will also help us know ourselves deeper and wider.
ReplyDeleteDon't think you're not date-able... many girls out there would like to have a man just like you. ;)
Be strong. :)
Tip: Lots of girls like it when a man knows and loves himself. As often as we forget, one must not seek happiness from a relationship... but must "share" the happiness of loving himself in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteShit. Can't believe I just said that.
the only way you will stop being single is if when you found that imperfect girl but you wont mind it because you know that in your heart she might as well be the perfect human being. or when you use your heart instead of analyzing why you are single...ganbatte ne...gino-chan...
ReplyDeletei have experienced the same situation. it sucks but ironically it feels good also. i am constantly reminded that i have made the best decision, to let go and to move on.
ReplyDeletei love the last part of the blog.
Thanks for this post. I myself is experiencing this kind of situation. I know its hard, but the thought that other people is also at the same state as I am, kinda makes me feel better. =)
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone! :)
ReplyDelete@alitha well what can I say, misery loves company :) haha
said..
ReplyDeletenever been in the blogspot for so long..
ngaun ko ng nbasa 'to.
opposite feelings, i used to be alone everyday. and I'm uncomfortable to be with someone all the time( i mean who would always ask me where am i.. like that). maybe that's the reason why my relationship have always been the same, short term.
haha.
i too loved being in a relationship. i too loved 'belonging' to someone.
ReplyDeletewhen what i had was gone, i was left devastated, frozen and unable to move. mornings were always the hardest - because i had to face another day with the fact that he was gone. even breathing was hard. i loved him that much.
but i chose to try to get 'un-stuck.' as a friend of mine would always say, you have to release yourself from soul ties with the person. you have to want to get 'un-stuck.'
that's how we move on. that's how we move forward. learn from the past, but yearn for release. it's hard. it sucks. but if we want to be unburdened, it has to be done.
am slowly healing as well and making big changes in my life; my hope for you (and for me too) is that the 'worth-it' ending doesn't take too long :)
:-) LOR
ReplyDelete"It's not easy discovering things about yourself especially when you thought that you were the complete opposite of what you just discovered."
ReplyDeleteThanks. This prompted me to start my own blog. :) (http://menerlabellevie.blogspot.com/)
I have experienced this too.I love being single but at the same time, I kinda miss having a special someone.DOn't worry GINO.The right girl will come in God's perfect time:)
ReplyDelete