Tuesday, February 24, 2009

journey to the center of me.

I'm sitting in a starbucks that is very familiar, with my ever familiar low-fat mocha frappucino with no chocolate drip and no whipped cream with so many thoughts running through my mind.

I never really knew the importance of a few days. I always thought that if it was important enough it could always wait for the right time. I never found much value with the saying carpe diem until today. It's amazing how in a few days so many variables in life can change. That in so little time so many life-changing things could occur. I feel like I'm back in high school where everything was just extremely emotional and everything made you feel like you could take away your own life.

I've never truly been alone in my life, I've always had a safety net of sorts, I know that no man is an island but at this point I think it's about time I learned to stand on my own. If I ever read this in the future and I'm having doubts about myself or whatever situation I'm in. Here's a message to future me. Don't give up, really think about something before you do it and if you've thought it thru, do it right away. Regret is one of the most painful emotions ever, I guess I'm feeling that now actually I know that i'm feeling that now. But it's called regret for a reason, it's over and done with and more often than not you can't do anything about it anymore. I pray that I'm able to stand by the decisions that I've made recently and I pray that my resolve doesn't falter. I'd like to think that in every painful experience you have, you learn a lot from it. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much.

I'm now embarking on a journey to know who I really am and i'm sort of looking at it in a positive way. I know that whatever it is that I find in myself is something that I will like, something that I'll be content with and maybe then I can move forward. I hope that I don't have a lot idle moments because I know for a fact that everytime I do i'll be thinking about the mistakes that I've made. My dad told me something today that I've heard before but I've never really paid attention to. An idle mind is the devil's playground. In this scenario the devil is me, and I have to stop playing with myself ( hehe I know that sounds incredibly bad but I'm hoping you know what I mean). I pray for the strength to stand by my choice, I know it's gonna be hard but I hope that I can prove myself wrong. Emotion like my dad said, is governed by will. I hope that my will is strong enough to overcome these amazingly strong emotions. But if there's one thing that these emotions are giving me today, It's something to write about.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

epic blog SAVE

25 things that everyone on facebook is pressured to do.. and since I pretty much have so little time to write these days I'll just post this here. hehe

1.First off, damn 25 things?! couldn't they just have made it like 10, I mean, who has 25 random things about themselves handy for situations like these.

2.I'm an extroverted geek, I love playing computer games at home but more often than not I can't stand being alone at home.

3.I like being sexy, although I'm really not and I've never ever been sexy so I wouldn't know how it feels, but I still like the thought.

4.I moved out of my parents house with 4000 pesos in my wallet and no bank account, thankfully I work in radio and TV now. Now I have a bank account with no money and I have less than 4 thousand in my wallet.

5.I'm a secret sap, Only 795 of my friends know this.

6.I don't sleep normal hours, although my room has no windows so it emulates night and that's good enough for me.

7.I dislike sunlight, not because it burns my skin or anything but I hate sweating when I'm not in gym clothes.

8.I'm currently on a canned tuna diet, and I TRY to run around the village every night to lose weight.

9.Damn I miss rice.

10.Damn I miss chocolates

11.Damn I miss softdrinks

12.Damn it all to hell, I'm no longer on a diet.

13.I'm pretty much a walking contradiction, I love to work, but at the same time I wanna just stay home and not do anything, I hate the sun but I love the beach.

14.I seriously need a vacation, just a LITTLE bit of time to get out of town or something

15.I spend at least 5 hours in front of a computer everyday, not because it's my job but simply because I want to. And no I don't allocate all that for porn, that only takes up 4 hours and 45 minutes of the 5.

16.I constantly pray that a mercedes benz slk 350 just drops out of the sky (in perfect condition) for me.

17.I think I'm currently in debt due to my phone bill, I call a lot apparently.

18.Coincidentally my show on RX is called g-spot and my show on ETC is called chillspot.

19.I have two older blood brothers and a ton of brothers from other mothers.

20.I dream of eventually living in a WONDERFUL condominium where everything is just amazingly minimalist.

21.I play basketball with my high-school barkada every Saturday but for some weird reason I don't think I'm getting better at it. ( I expect a lot of responses to this and knowing my barkada none of them will be positive)

22.I was named after a Russian ballerina and a Russian politician, take your pick.

23.I used to hustle pool, now that there's a pool table at home I suck at it.

24.I used to hate blogging but I then realized that it'd be a good writing exercise.

25.I have a blog haha, wwww.geekygangster.blogspo