Tuesday, February 24, 2009

journey to the center of me.

I'm sitting in a starbucks that is very familiar, with my ever familiar low-fat mocha frappucino with no chocolate drip and no whipped cream with so many thoughts running through my mind.

I never really knew the importance of a few days. I always thought that if it was important enough it could always wait for the right time. I never found much value with the saying carpe diem until today. It's amazing how in a few days so many variables in life can change. That in so little time so many life-changing things could occur. I feel like I'm back in high school where everything was just extremely emotional and everything made you feel like you could take away your own life.

I've never truly been alone in my life, I've always had a safety net of sorts, I know that no man is an island but at this point I think it's about time I learned to stand on my own. If I ever read this in the future and I'm having doubts about myself or whatever situation I'm in. Here's a message to future me. Don't give up, really think about something before you do it and if you've thought it thru, do it right away. Regret is one of the most painful emotions ever, I guess I'm feeling that now actually I know that i'm feeling that now. But it's called regret for a reason, it's over and done with and more often than not you can't do anything about it anymore. I pray that I'm able to stand by the decisions that I've made recently and I pray that my resolve doesn't falter. I'd like to think that in every painful experience you have, you learn a lot from it. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much.

I'm now embarking on a journey to know who I really am and i'm sort of looking at it in a positive way. I know that whatever it is that I find in myself is something that I will like, something that I'll be content with and maybe then I can move forward. I hope that I don't have a lot idle moments because I know for a fact that everytime I do i'll be thinking about the mistakes that I've made. My dad told me something today that I've heard before but I've never really paid attention to. An idle mind is the devil's playground. In this scenario the devil is me, and I have to stop playing with myself ( hehe I know that sounds incredibly bad but I'm hoping you know what I mean). I pray for the strength to stand by my choice, I know it's gonna be hard but I hope that I can prove myself wrong. Emotion like my dad said, is governed by will. I hope that my will is strong enough to overcome these amazingly strong emotions. But if there's one thing that these emotions are giving me today, It's something to write about.


  1. Emotions are, indeed, wild horses and they demanded to be heard. :) You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointments, defeat and despair are the tools Papa Jesus uses to show us the way.. Keep the Faith.. :)

  2. "Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy; they just promised it'd be worth it." -Anonymous

  3. I say that there's always an option to be happy even if reasons forbid us to be happy. I, or we might not know what's really going on but I would like to share you my favorite quotes whenever I feel the same way:

    "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" -God

    "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not OK, then it's not yet the end..." -Patrick the Starfish

    I may be a complete stranger to you but hey, you're in my prayers.

    Be happy. =)

  4. Hey man, just remember, you've got friends who are gonna stick with you no matter what. Regrets won't do anything but make you feel bad, the sooner you stop vacillating and take the chance the better off you'll be. Take it from a guy who's had MORE than his fair share of regrets.

  5. Gino...

    sometimes the road of life may seem a bit bumpy, but it's just a small part of the great journey you're on! If you take the time to look for life's little blessings, you'll find they're all along the way. Even on the rockiest of terrain.

    And always remember, the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. So believe in your dreams Gino. Faith makes all things possible.

  6. I know this is awkward cuz we only met in an event... but anyway like what a priest once told me God needs a middle man to give people faith and hope when their losing them.
    It's normal for you to get some low times but never sulk on the negative things or memories you have and feel it will only lead you to greater depression and make you have doubts. If you can, never regret things you have done because (this one's old school) things happen for a reason; it may not immediately tell you why but it will show itself later and believe me it will be for the best. I've been in worse situations and was brought to counseling in order to get by but you know what? I don't regret the things I did, because know it made me stronger and a better person. "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
    Maybe you should get that yellow smiley tattoo you want on your back. You have a lot of friends, so cheer up! (peace! and ciao!)

  7. Hey GINO! just had a glimpse of your blog... I don't know you that much but a lot of what you write makes sense to me... no matter how confusing that sounds... anyway I'd be glad if you could add me up on your blogroll...

    I will read off your blog often so get ready! hehehe (no pressure dude!)

    By the way, I have my own site called http://www.kumagcow.com... we are somewhat the same so we wouldnt probably get along but I'm just pushing my luck anyway... PEACE OUT! *TUNING IN TO RX*

  8. I'd have said, "worrying about something you've already decided on is useless."
    But really, one can't help but dwell on such thoughts sometimes.
    The human mind is impossibly hard to control. Thoughts and emotions just keep going on and on and on...
    But then again, this is just what writing was invented for. For expression. An outlet.
    Anne Frank said, "Paper is patient." (Or maybe in this case, the blogspot writing space is patient)
    So just keep writing and keep moving forward, man. :)

  9. hmmm.. seems like what most of us people usually experience at one point of their life and also good to know that it is also healthy for us :) sometimes things don't usually go what we want it to be and we get frustrated about it.. we might think that it is a big deal but come to think of it, it isn't.. :) we should always see things on the bright side :) we are blessed in so many ways we can think of.. we have families, friends, jobs, and even some material things.. but most especially we have GOD to turn to :)when something happens, there is also something bigger and better to come :) life doesn't need to be perfect.. we just have to be satistied and happy with it ;)be optimistic! ;)