Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Home Improvement

I had another clear dream today, unfortunately it was rudely interrupted by people knocking on my door, but i still remember the details of it. What I don't remember though is the purpose of the dream. Basically I have the setting down but not the plot.

In this dream I had a BEAUTIFUL condominium, I mean don't get me wrong I love where I live in now, but this place in my head was just amazing. I distinctly remember the amazing bedroom that I had in it, It was very minimalist, nice clean lines and most of the colors were earth tones, It was a king sized bed, with nice wenge colored furniture in it. Something else stood out though, in a sea of neutral colors, I had dark blue glass cabinets. I don't exactly know what they're called but I've seen them plenty of times before in different colors. Imagine blue wood with non-glare glass on top of it, with nice sliding doors and all.

Of course I didn't just stay in the room so I eventually ventured out into the living area, and my God it was just such a sexy/sophisticated looking pad. It looked like a catalog for Ikea or Bo Concept. In the middle of it all though there was a tall and thick glass panel, from the floor to the ceiling. It was apparently meant for writing, one of those "boards" where you use like green or orange markers, though underneath the glass was a little pond of sorts complete with stones (the type you find in Japanese rock gardens). There was a little bar by the kitchen too, where I guess more often than not is where you would eat if you were just alone in the house or if you're just having breakfast. Basically everything was just so pristine. I honestly wish that I could draw properly only to give justice to this dream.

Another odd thing was that when I had stepped out into the balcony, It wasn't the Philippines i saw on the outside, It was a different country. I don't know if I should interpret this in the way that I think it should be.

Is this my sub-conscious telling me that if I go out of the country I would be earning so much more and basically living a life of luxury and style? Or does this simply mean I should re-arrange my furniture?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Parental Disclaimer

I truly feel that I had to write something on this because I guess for me this is one of the biggest enigmas in the world. I just finished watching meet the fockers and well a thought just dawned on me. Has anyone ever truly unlocked the secrets of parent-pleasing?

This I guess has always been a challenge for me because more often than not I'm very bad when it comes to parents in general, I mean except of course for my own. My biggest problem is that I'm EXTREMELY shy when it comes to parents and I guess they mistake that for being insincere, or they think I'm hiding something, or I deal pot, or I'm just cocky and I don't talk to parents. But see that's the thing, for me when I'm too comfortable with parents I feel like THAT'S being too cocky, because if you get too comfortable it's like your putting yourself on the same level that they are, which for me is really not supposed to be the case. No matter how successful you are, or how famous you are you will never really be equal to your friends parents. They've endured so much more than you & I have and for me that equates to adopting the "do not speak unless spoken to" mantra. I feel like that's the respect that they should be given. That's the respect that they should have.

Of course this doesn't bode too well for me, because like I said they often misinterpret it as a sign of disrespect. But you see if they could only understand that the reason why I'm extremely shy and quiet around them, then they would realize that "hey, this guy's just respecting me". I usually can't look parents straight in the eye much like a servant would not look at his queen's face. "I'm not worthy" is pretty much what goes through my head when moments like that occur. I don't know if this is all a part of the whole generation-gap thing, but I just hope that I make parents in general understand why people like me do that, because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has this problem. I've seen people who become close to parents in a heartbeat and honestly I don't know how they do it and I envy them. I mean it's not like I have anything to hide, I don't deal drugs, I'm not a convict or whatever, and basically I'm a pretty decent guy. Maybe some people are just born with that parental connection, and maybe some aren't, but maybe the reason why I'm posting this is in the hopes that someday parents will understand why guys like me will have a hard time being too chatty with them or TOO comfortable. We're not hiding anything we're just extremely respectful.

If anyone out there has a parental-pleasing guide, let me know and I'll try to use that as much as I can, Heck I'd memorize it if I had to.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

2009 Unravels

It's only been 22 days into the new year and usually i would think nothing interesting would really happen this early in the year.

I had a pretty phenomenal year last year, 2008 was the start of a lot of big things for me so naturally i would think that last year would've been a really hard year to top in terms of success and all of that. I had just recently gotten the amazing job of being a DJ at RX 93.1 since I won Radio Idol season 4. That in itself i think is a pretty big achievement already. July of 2007, I was jobless and thinking of ways on how to pay rent for the place which i was staying in. One day my best-friend talked to me asking for a ride to RX to audition for radio idol and he said "Why don't you bring a resume and audition with me?" and the rest is history. So here i was starting out 2008 as a Jock for RX thinking to myself "this isn't bad at all". Hosting gigs came with the territory making it easier for me to provide for myself since I was living independently. Couple of months later one of the former RX jocks asked me to audition for a TV show on ETC. My self-confidence wasn't really in the best shape since well I wasn't in the best shape but against my judgment I did audition. Weeks had passed and I thought to myself "I'm never gonna get that job". Yet again I was surprised to find out that they did get me, despite my being a little chubby they opted to get me and my supposed competitor. It ended up to be one of the coolest things that I ever got to do, I love my 2 co-hosts, the producers and everyone else there. Well basically I just loved the jobs that i had.

Now for me this is a pretty big achievement, from moving out of my house jobless to ending up with 2 pretty hard to get to jobs in just less than a year. I had started seeing a side of me which I never really saw before. Responsibility started popping out in my vocabulary and I began to hate procrastinating, being idle and well just being a bum. Now the year was about to come to an end then I started to realize that this would be a REALLY hard year to top which saddened me a little bit mostly because I wanted to constantly progress and I had feared that I had climaxed too early or something to that effect. I was extremely thankful for the year 2008 but I had been dreading 2009 since I thought that it'd only bring disappointment or stagnation.

2009 is starting to unravel in front of my eyes, and from the looks of it, this is going to be a pretty amazing year. Of course I expect bumps to come up every now and then, but with the news I heard today and if everything pushes through it's going to be a GREAT year and I'm pretty much way in over my head again. Although so far I've been able to deal with that and I'm extremely ecstatic about the direction that I'm going to. I can't disclose any details yet, but if I could use one word to describe it, it would be...


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

There's a first for everything

I always told myself that i would never actually get into blogging...

I guess that was a lie judging from the fact that I'm already writing my first post ever. Truth be told I guess i just miss writing. I used to write a lot of short stories back in high school and in my early college years and for some strange reason i just stopped writing. I remember telling a friend of mine that the reason behind this was "when you're young you're very very emotional, and despite the fact that more things happen in your adult life now you're more in control of your emotions". I'm trying to remember now who said that all good writers are very emotional people, well either that or they were always drunk or on something, like Edgar Allan Poe. So hopefully I'll get to tap into my emotional side again so i can at least come up with something decent, though now that i think about it more often than not i was depressed back in the day so I guess what I'm really hoping for is to just tap the emotional side of me in a positive way.

A really amazing friend told me today that i should come up with a dream journal since i always remember my dreams and they're always these vivid pictures of a "perfect" life. maybe that's a good way to start writing again.

So it all started on a baseball field, apparently in this dream i had become a family man. I had 2 kids, 1 son and a daughter, of course my wife was standing there right beside me. Now i have pretty vivid graphic dreams but i can't ever come up with names for the people in them so I'll be putting random names to my dream characters. I can't really come up with any nice names for my children so for the sake of functionality i guess I'll just name the boy Blue and the girl would be Pink (I know it's not very imaginative but hey it's 4:36am) and my wife hmm... let's say Bella (since i just saw a twilight ad on the net a couple of minutes ago).

So we were standing in the baseball field my 2 kids were part of the little league team in a village over at Sta. Rosa, Westgrove to be exact (I'm pretty sure they don't have a baseball field there but hey it's a dream after all). The umpire had made a few bad calls when it came to my children playing naturally as the father I started getting pissed off and i was immediately thrown out of the game mostly because of the fact that I really wasn't the coach (Like a scene from old school where Vince Vaughn had been thrown out of a soccer game for his bad behavior, only the difference is HE was actually the coach). So here i am stark raving mad then i walk on over to my shiny silver SLK230, which i find very odd mostly because of the fact that I USUALLY want all my cars to be black aside from the obvious fact that i don't really drive around in a Mercedes. So i started driving back to the house. I had opened the gate of the wonderful glass house that I apparently lived in and parked my car with my wife's car following closely behind. She was driving a black Mercedes ML500 SUV (I just found it very weird that her car was black, is my subconscious telling me that I'd be giving up my wants just to make my family happy? I'm not really sure so I guess I'll have to consult somebody for that). So i was still pretty much mad but then Bella came up to me and just kissed me on the cheek and just because of that I had felt so much relief that I had completely forgotten about what I was stressing out. Blue and pink had already gone inside the house so Bella and I followed them as fast as we could. The minute i had walked into the house I had acted like it was nothing new in my dream but when I was thinking about it in real life it was truly a BEAUTIFUL house, very minimalist, very stylish and very bright (I mean it was a glasshouse after all). It had nice dark wooden planks for flooring, white or maybe beige walls, gorgeously designed ceilings complete with wooden beams and all, great lighting and a very nice black marble or maybe granite kitchen counter. The first thing i did as i walked into the house was head on over to the kitchen to prepare food because my parents were apparently joining my family for lunch since they lived in the same village.

See the thing with dreams is that while you're in it you don't really appreciate too many things in it, but the minute you wake up you suddenly see all these wonderfully intricate details and emotions attached to the dream itself. When I analyzed the dream I just realized how much pleasing my parents meant to me and how much I really want them to be part of my weekly routine even if I already had my own family.

My parents had just arrived together with my 2 older brothers, 1 of which had 2 children. Blue and Pink had run on over to the gate to welcome their grandparents, uncles and cousins, while Bella and I were pretty much busy setting up the table for them. We had a pretty ordinary lunch which i guess means that we had this every weekend and this wasn't anything new to well basically "dream" me. I don't exactly remember what happened after that, my dream had skipped a couple of hours to when Blue and Pink were in bed for an afternoon nap. Bella and I decided to go cycling around the village to the local gazebo where there was a garden over-looking a nice little meadow. Bella pulled out the red and white cloth where we were going to enjoy our little afternoon picnic is (I know, I know this is really typical, the checkered cloth I mean. I think every movie-picnic scene has this). Basically the rest of the dream was just bliss with Bella.

I guess this dream made me realize how much of a sap I really am, either that or I'm watching way too many romantic movies..