Have you ever been faced with a situation where you SUPPOSEDLY know what the right thing to do is? yet after you're done with that decision you feel terribly wrong about it and you feel as if you got cheated out of life? Situations where you sacrifice your own happiness, your own well-being to make other people happy? Situations where in your mind you're just absolutely right, but completely wrong in your heart. Logically sound yet emotionally crushing choices.
Did you ever wonder if it was the right choice? How do you decide which one to go with? Which one can you live with more? In one corner you can breathe easy knowing that you did the right thing but at the same time, despite the "clear conscience" so to speak, you are just devastated, like there's a big gaping hole in your chest. You find yourself constantly looking back and thinking "did I really make the right choice?". If it was the right choice why does it feel so bad?
On the other hand, would you be able to live with yourself if you went with the emotional choice? The "screw everyone else, I want to be happy" choice? Maybe you're happy, maybe 1 other person is happy. But what about everyone else? Is it justifiable to save your own heart and break others in the process? Would you be able to sleep at night knowing that you saved yourself and completely damned others who were already in distress?
Maybe there is no right choice, maybe it's just a matter of sucking up to the consequences of whatever action it is that you do. Maybe at the end of the day all you really need is strength to fight for what you really believe in. Courage despite the seemingly impossible odds. Determination for what you really want more.
Is it wrong to think that maybe, just maybe God values you fighting for your own happiness just as much as fighting for other peoples' happiness? Maybe there is no high ground. Maybe it's just two different islands both on the same level, just take your pick at which island it is that you want to be at.
Another question I have in my head is, if you already picked one island, is it too late to go back to the other?
At the very end of writing all of this I discovered one thing..
Clarity is a bitch to find.
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We feel the same way... I don't even know what to do.. :(
ReplyDeleteI'd like to believe you'll know instinctively the right decision. and if you really go beyond yourself and see the "rigthness" in your choice, you feel a certain sense of calm.
ReplyDeleteBut it ain't easy, but there is a high ground. And it's worth choosing it.
Kane
p.s. sometimes, you can't go back once you've made a choice. no-island hopping
Like what Castiel always say "there is a bigger picture". If we try and look at it we will see that the reason why we feel wrong with the right decision is because there is this one person we want to say we are right but never do so...
ReplyDelete"Another question I have in my head is, if you already picked one island, is it too late to go back to the other?"
ReplyDeleteI got stumped with this question, too. And I guess, I agree with what you said regarding right decisions - there may be no such thing as clearly right or wrong ones - in fact, I think most of the time, it is both, depending on how you look at it. Maybe we just have to commit to it and "suck up to the consequences of whatever action it is that you do."
Great entry, Gino. :D
I think I've been here before but didn't realize it was Gino of RX who owns this blog. Haha.
ReplyDeleteVery deep and profound thoughts here, eh? Did you ever wonder why they say "Just follow your heart" and none that says "Just follow your mind"? Well, I basically because the former is more "interesting" hehe.
I think most of the time when we fell disjointed on decisions, it is because we have already made a choice with our hearts but we have not gotten around to justifying the reason for that choice in our minds...
sometimes, life makes you wish for an "undo" button. i like the "sucking up to the consequences" part..it has some truth to it...
ReplyDeletep.s. great job on hosting the NEION event with Pach last Friday :)
hmm to me, we will never make a decision in our lives wherein both heart and mind agree. it's kinda like the N pole and S pole of magnets, heart and mind is, no matter how tight your grip or how close you get, it always goes the other way. and no, it is never too late to pay the other island a visit, it's your choice if you wanna dwell on Island1 or Island2
ReplyDeleteI think that in most cases, it can be weighed.
ReplyDeleteSay if an action can make a person you care for much happier than it can make you sadder, it probably is something you should consider doing. Or say if a small effort can make several people feel better, that should be an act worth doing.
"Clarity is a bitch to find." - AGREE.
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