Have you ever been faced with a situation where you SUPPOSEDLY know what the right thing to do is? yet after you're done with that decision you feel terribly wrong about it and you feel as if you got cheated out of life? Situations where you sacrifice your own happiness, your own well-being to make other people happy? Situations where in your mind you're just absolutely right, but completely wrong in your heart. Logically sound yet emotionally crushing choices.
Did you ever wonder if it was the right choice? How do you decide which one to go with? Which one can you live with more? In one corner you can breathe easy knowing that you did the right thing but at the same time, despite the "clear conscience" so to speak, you are just devastated, like there's a big gaping hole in your chest. You find yourself constantly looking back and thinking "did I really make the right choice?". If it was the right choice why does it feel so bad?
On the other hand, would you be able to live with yourself if you went with the emotional choice? The "screw everyone else, I want to be happy" choice? Maybe you're happy, maybe 1 other person is happy. But what about everyone else? Is it justifiable to save your own heart and break others in the process? Would you be able to sleep at night knowing that you saved yourself and completely damned others who were already in distress?
Maybe there is no right choice, maybe it's just a matter of sucking up to the consequences of whatever action it is that you do. Maybe at the end of the day all you really need is strength to fight for what you really believe in. Courage despite the seemingly impossible odds. Determination for what you really want more.
Is it wrong to think that maybe, just maybe God values you fighting for your own happiness just as much as fighting for other peoples' happiness? Maybe there is no high ground. Maybe it's just two different islands both on the same level, just take your pick at which island it is that you want to be at.
Another question I have in my head is, if you already picked one island, is it too late to go back to the other?
At the very end of writing all of this I discovered one thing..
Clarity is a bitch to find.
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