Friday, August 27, 2010

Unwritten

There's a million things that I haven't said to you, and I hope that somehow you actually get to read this, so this one's for you.

I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough for you. I'm sorry that I couldn't find the courage to stand up for you. I hope you know that it's not because of a lack of love, but it's because a different kind of love is conflicting with my standing up for you. I know that this may seem unfair to you, and trust me it's unfair for me too, but one of the things I've learned is that things are almost always never fair. This may seem trivial to you and you may not understand it but I hope that one day you will.

I'm sure that as of this point you're questioning exactly how deep my love for you is so let me try to point out a fraction of the things that I loved about you, because I don't think any website could handle the amount of things that I'd have to type in to describe the way I feel about you and the things that I love about you.

I loved the way you smell. I know this sounds silly but with or without perfume your scent always haunts me wherever I go, I loved hugging you because it'd give me the chance to catch a whiff of your scent. It calms me down, it lets me know that no matter how tough my day is, was or will be it'll get better soon. It sends shivers up and down my head that I just can't explain. Just the thought of it already makes me smile.

I loved how I could tell the way you were feeling by looking at your feet, I'd know if you were excited or amazingly happy when your feet would start tapping away like crazy, it's almost like you were trying to imitate the penguin dance from happy feet and with that of course comes this amazing smile that you have. A smile that just takes peoples' breath away. It's not one of those generic "I need to look good for a photo" smiles, but a genuine heartfelt beaming smile. It was always something I worked hard on because I loved seeing that smile on your face. It was always rewarding for me because I felt that I just saved the world whenever I'd see that smile on your face.

I loved how every time we'd see each other it felt like we hadn't seen each other in years. You'd jump up and down all excited to see me and I'd just be smiling at you deliriously happy to see me. And for some odd reason every time you'd say "what" your tongue would sort of stick out. That for me was just extraordinarily cute.

I loved how you'd call me while I was still sleeping even if it was already lunch time, telling me that you miss me and that you were on your way to my house to bring me food, I still think about that every time someone calls me when I'm asleep, secretly hoping that it's you.

I loved how random we could be and how we could spend hours in the car just parked somewhere and we'd be talking about whatever it is that we wanted to talk about from the most mundane things up to the most relevant issues.

I loved how you understood my being a geek, not everyone gets that. And not only did you understand it, you actually immersed yourself in it. Graphic novels and playing computer games wasn't exactly in your vocabulary but you got yourself into it.

I loved how I could be so open to you about whatever it is that I was feeling and that I could tell you anything, no matter how stupid it sounded. You still listened.

I loved how you made me feel like I was part of your family.

I loved how you made me feel complete, despite whatever crap I was going through back then.

I loved how you forgave me despite my many unforgivable moments of idiocy. That's something not everyone can do.

I know you've found someone new, and trust me when I say I'm not writing this to bring you back or to confuse you. I'm simply writing this to let you know once and for all what exactly I'm going through without you. I wish you luck and I pray to God that the lucky guy you're with right now sees all the wonderful things that I saw in you. Like everything else I wrote earlier, I wish I could say I loved you, but I can't because..

I still do.

33 comments:

  1. ouch!
    that struck a chord there.
    nice piece...

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  2. :( :( very nice piece. Felt every single line.

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  3. What a lucky girl. This is so damn good Daddy Gino. Tears welled up in my eyes because I'm still in love with someone I should have let go for a long time already. - succubusdiva

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  4. touching.. expressive.. "keep moving forward" -Meet the Robinsons.. :)

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  5. She's a very lucky girl, having someone named GINO QUILLAMOR whose still in love with her. that's major.

    I wish that one day... you'll meet a girl that will love you and look at you MORE THAN what you expected... just wait for that day to come okay. ;)

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  6. felt the love right there. hope you find the one who's truly destined for you!

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  7. Aww... ang lungkot naman nito sir Gino. Oh wel, that's life. If she's not meant for you, then just be happy for her on her new love life. Simply move on and continue celebrating life.

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  8. heartfelt lines gino... :) i pray that one day you'll find that girl who'll see all the beauty in you.. :) you got a good heart gino.... :)

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  10. :(

    "..heartbreaks do fade but they take about a year longer than you expect and by the time they do you really don’t care about it enough to notice.."

    You'll be okay. No one has ever died from heartbreak, it'll only make you better. Cheer up. :)

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  11. ='(

    i don't want to say that i know how you feel, no matter how same the situation we are going through. because all heartaches have their own magnitude.

    but just because you love her still, you will surely move on gino, don't worry. it's not like you're going to forget her, you'll just get used to the pain of loving someone so much and knowing that that someone can never love you back as much.

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  12. I keep on saying "ahh" while reading this post, sweetest post ever!
    Gino they say "Life's like biking.. peddle still, and stay on the cycle..." I know you can move on man! =)

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  13. This would be the first time ever that i'd be commenting here in your blog. This post just struck me hard. I wish the one you're dedicating this one to reads it. You just have so much love in you man. Just hang in there, everything happens for a reason. Maybe the girl you're destined to be with is just lost in the road of life, she's coming. Plus a girl needs to find a lot of wrong dudes to be thankful to have Mr. right. YOU ARE MR. RIGHT, Gino. In every way. That's how we do, WE LOVE WITH ALL OUR HEART. You're probably meant to be together, She just haven't figured that one out yet. so hang in there.

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  14. "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

    don't move on, just move forward, life makes us meet people that we will really love then takes them away, because life is NEVER fair.

    but life will give you more the next time around, because there would be no happiness felt if you have never experienced having your heart broken and shattered into pieces.

    that girl never deserved you from the start if she didn't even bother to stay long enough to wait for you.


    you'll be okay gino :)

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  15. i wish somebody can say this to me to..

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  16. OH MY GOSH...That girl is sure tough to beat when it comes to winning you. A guy like you deserves so much...

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  17. this is really nice. it's so sweet and i can't help but say "ahh" while reading the whole thing. i'm reminded of the guy i was with last year. it made me miss him. :(

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  18. i can really feel this..wahhhhh... really heartfelt..oh my god..my broke up with my 10 yrs bf (we are planning to get married nxt yr but LDR and his officemate are the reasons maybe our relationship won't workout anymore) was really fresh..i can still feel the heartache.. you can do it Gino!! we can do it! pray always..God has purpose why this thing happened..something much better will come on our way!!

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  19. I wish I had the strength or talent to write the things that I loved about someone...it feels so human just reading them...though for some reason I'm grateful that I learned the skill of moving on first...that is...after reading this entry.

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  20. awww =( one of the saddest (yet without the slightest bitterness) things I've ever read. I guess that's just how the way it goes, eh? "When a heart breaks, no it don't break even." =)

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  21. Awww.I wish someone will feel the same way about me the way U felt for this girl...:)

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  22. It's okay Gino, I'm sure you'll find someone new.. oh...meron na ba ngayon?

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  23. i don't know if you have a new one but whatever it is, i admire you for being so brave to share to the whole world wide web how you felt. Keep moving forward. *cheers.

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  24. When I was your MAN dapat ang theme song mo kuya Gino :D

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  25. Every line was really touching, you know, i felt the love in each and every line. Well for you Mr. Gino Quillamor, I hope you be able to find the one who is really meant to be yours.

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  26. Every line was really touching, you know, i felt the love in each and every line. Well for you Mr. Gino Quillamor, I hope you be able to find the one who is really meant to be yours.

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  27. Every line was really touching, you know, i felt the love in each and every line. Well for you Mr. Gino Quillamor, I hope you be able to find the one who is really meant to be yours.

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