Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Distractions (The good kind or at least I think so)

First of, as I write this I had to turn off the music. Apparently I find it hard to write something that makes sense (I hope it does) while the glee cast's version of defying gravity is playing in the background.

Now I'm sure we all have a ton of things we're all stressing about, it could be anything from work, to relationships, to financial stability or instability for that matter or familial obligations. There's literally a thousand things that could probably be making your life more difficult right now. I know a lot of you are probably saying that this is just life, and that's just how it's meant to be. But let me ask you, have you ever gotten to a point where it was just a little bit too much for you to handle? That you just want your brain to stop functioning even for a split second just to give you a little sense of peace and serenity? Where you feel like you're going to implode (not in a good sexual manner) because of everything that's happening around you? If you have then I hope you've found your distraction because I think I've finally found mine, or maybe I should say I rediscovered it.

If you know me personally I'm sure you've pretty much figured out that I'm not the most athletic person in the world, I probably could have made it big if I pushed through with golf or swimming but I never really had the heart for it. If you know me even better, I'm sure you're thinking in your head that video games are my ultimate distraction, but lately it hasn't really been working. Would you believe I haven't touched my xbox or my rockband set in almost 3 weeks? That's how disturbing life has been for me in the past few weeks that even games, my number 1 distraction hasn't been working for me. The fact that it doesn't work for me anymore totally kills me because now I'm stuck with depression and no way of handling it. I really just wanted a little peace of mind in this time of turmoil. Much to my surprise I finally discovered something pretty unexpected, I found my distraction and I know it may sound stupid to you, yes you but it's been the focal point of my happiness as of late.

Basketball. I know it sounds stupid, but lately this has been the only thing I've been looking forward to lately (sounds kind of sad I know). But right after the adrenaline and the high of being on court I just end up too tired to actually think about everything I've been stressing about, don't get me wrong it's not like I've forgotten my problems or anything but I've just been really preoccupied with it that my brain doesn't have enough left to think of anything else. Oddly enough it's not like this is the first time I've ever played basketball, I mean I've been playing since I was in high school (I know it doesn't look it but I swear).

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I found a distraction, but it makes me wonder though, until when is this gonna distract me? I mean video games used to do it for me before (that sounds so dirty in my head right now) now it's completely lost it's power over me. When is the day that I have to face my fears and not just keep myself busy with distractions? When will the day come that I won't even need distractions? Trust me, I would give off my left pinky to just write down EVERYTHING that I feel here, but the fear of rejection, of humiliation is just too great. I wish I could just write the way I feel about you right now, right here and just leave everything else to chance. But sadly that's not the way the world works, you have to wait for the right time, the right chance to say whatever it is that you have to say. The first step however is getting them to look at you, sadly as of this moment I'm just another face you don't even remember in a sea of people vying for your attention. So even if I did write it all down here, I don't think it'd be worth anything.

A really good friend of mine who knows my situation wrote a song about it, I read the lyrics that he wrote and it just hit me so bad that it hurts. I hope that he can make it happen though, and it'd be nice to say that eventually if the day comes that I can actually talk to her I could go like, hey you know my friend was inspired to write this song because he knew exactly what I was going through.

Today I thought to myself that playing games, and playing basketball were distracting enough. I wrote about it being a good distraction.

I was wrong.


  1. yup, basketball's always a good distraction. too bad i havent played much lately.

  2. don't judge a dj by his show is my lesson learned today. half the time you're an acerbic dude on air, half the time you're a most fun person to listen to. i try to switch stations but i just HAVE to listen to you and fran. reading your last series of posts, though, just changed my perspective of you. good for you to reveal chinks in your armor. glad you're truly human =] peace and joy to you!

    (hey lateralus. curious seeing you here-)

  3. haha of course I'm human :) We can't always be happy you know, but at the end of the day we all have jobs to do, and mine is to entertain people. More often than not when someone's having a bad day we have to try to cheer them up, not make them feel even more down by sour-graping or telling even more sob stories right :) It's very rewarding to know that somewhere out there you're making someone laugh :) Just like most clowns they exude happiness to bring out laughter but when the make up comes off so does the persona :) kudos to you man :)

  4. You are like this guy I know who looks so happy on the outside but bleeding on the inside. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (not that I am saying you have). I listened to you on jumpstart and you make me laugh, i read your blog and you make me sad. lol!!!

    "You have something that you can do, something that only you can do. Nobody is forcing you. Think for yourself, and make that decision by yourself. Think about what you have to do now. Think about no longer having any regrets." It is a quote from an anime...i forgot what.

  5. @glaizamarie haha don't we all wear masks? :) if you know what i mean.

  6. mag-ingat sa mga tao na naka maskara...toinks!

  7. Life isnt complicated man jud ba. Ang tao lang jud sobra. LIke for you, you are always fun to listen to you know. first time I heard was only when you and fran would have to substitute del and chico but after that i really tried to catch up with your time even though I have my classes. Then, suddenly I discovered your blogs and I thought to myself that I am a complete person and Im contented with my life. Dont get me wrong huh? I had a relationship to and mind you it was really traumatic. I was cheated and my dignity was all drained up by him and la pa nakontento gitapak2an pa. But at the end of it all, I have learned to forgive myself, forgave him, accepted and understand, take my time to mourn from it. i became stupid in front of my friends pero naisip nakoh, I know by facing my weakness and the reality, I would stand up again and face the world with a smile. I have moved on no matter how hard. Wala koh nagpatalo sa akong past kay giharap jud nakoh sila. ANa raman kasimple Gino, gapaibabaw lang jud sa imu ang fear. When will you start having that courage to face the giants in your life to grab that reward that after you conquered them you will be happy na? When? You know u cant go on like that forever. Face your giants.