First of, as I write this I had to turn off the music. Apparently I find it hard to write something that makes sense (I hope it does) while the glee cast's version of defying gravity is playing in the background.
Now I'm sure we all have a ton of things we're all stressing about, it could be anything from work, to relationships, to financial stability or instability for that matter or familial obligations. There's literally a thousand things that could probably be making your life more difficult right now. I know a lot of you are probably saying that this is just life, and that's just how it's meant to be. But let me ask you, have you ever gotten to a point where it was just a little bit too much for you to handle? That you just want your brain to stop functioning even for a split second just to give you a little sense of peace and serenity? Where you feel like you're going to implode (not in a good sexual manner) because of everything that's happening around you? If you have then I hope you've found your distraction because I think I've finally found mine, or maybe I should say I rediscovered it.
If you know me personally I'm sure you've pretty much figured out that I'm not the most athletic person in the world, I probably could have made it big if I pushed through with golf or swimming but I never really had the heart for it. If you know me even better, I'm sure you're thinking in your head that video games are my ultimate distraction, but lately it hasn't really been working. Would you believe I haven't touched my xbox or my rockband set in almost 3 weeks? That's how disturbing life has been for me in the past few weeks that even games, my number 1 distraction hasn't been working for me. The fact that it doesn't work for me anymore totally kills me because now I'm stuck with depression and no way of handling it. I really just wanted a little peace of mind in this time of turmoil. Much to my surprise I finally discovered something pretty unexpected, I found my distraction and I know it may sound stupid to you, yes you but it's been the focal point of my happiness as of late.
Basketball. I know it sounds stupid, but lately this has been the only thing I've been looking forward to lately (sounds kind of sad I know). But right after the adrenaline and the high of being on court I just end up too tired to actually think about everything I've been stressing about, don't get me wrong it's not like I've forgotten my problems or anything but I've just been really preoccupied with it that my brain doesn't have enough left to think of anything else. Oddly enough it's not like this is the first time I've ever played basketball, I mean I've been playing since I was in high school (I know it doesn't look it but I swear).
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I found a distraction, but it makes me wonder though, until when is this gonna distract me? I mean video games used to do it for me before (that sounds so dirty in my head right now) now it's completely lost it's power over me. When is the day that I have to face my fears and not just keep myself busy with distractions? When will the day come that I won't even need distractions? Trust me, I would give off my left pinky to just write down EVERYTHING that I feel here, but the fear of rejection, of humiliation is just too great. I wish I could just write the way I feel about you right now, right here and just leave everything else to chance. But sadly that's not the way the world works, you have to wait for the right time, the right chance to say whatever it is that you have to say. The first step however is getting them to look at you, sadly as of this moment I'm just another face you don't even remember in a sea of people vying for your attention. So even if I did write it all down here, I don't think it'd be worth anything.
A really good friend of mine who knows my situation wrote a song about it, I read the lyrics that he wrote and it just hit me so bad that it hurts. I hope that he can make it happen though, and it'd be nice to say that eventually if the day comes that I can actually talk to her I could go like, hey you know my friend was inspired to write this song because he knew exactly what I was going through.
Today I thought to myself that playing games, and playing basketball were distracting enough. I wrote about it being a good distraction.
I was wrong.
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