Thursday, November 26, 2009


I'm terrified.

Today right after basketball, my phone's LCD conked out for no apparent reason, I finished playing at around 10:30pm, Originally I was supposed to go out to encore with a bunch of friends, as you can see my phone conking out proved to be a problem. I didn't have any of their numbers so as early as now, I'm sorry Christi and Gelli but I'll make it up to you guys. Now normally other people would just take this as a sign to stay home, I on the other hand tried my best to find a way out of it. 1 of the reasons of course is because I had already given my word to my friends saying that I would join them but I think the bigger reason is because I didn't want to be at home alone when I had absolutely nothing to do at home and I wasn't even tired yet. Then I realized,

I'm afraid of being alone.

Do I not like myself that much that I can't even bear the thought of being alone by myself for 1 night, I mean obviously I've done this before, I live in my own condo but what gets me the most is that usually when I do stay at home I'm usually extremely tired, Exhausted to the point of collapsing or I have something that I have to do at home. Today however I have absolutely nothing planned, and I'm seriously terrified of being here. I honestly don't get it, I've been living by myself for almost 2 and a half years now, well sort of, the house I lived in for about 2 years was full of other house mates. for 5 months or so though I have been living completely alone. Which bring me to yet another stunning realization about myself that the reason why I'm rarely single is because I'm afraid of being alone. I jump from one relationship to the next and I think this is the only time that I'm truly single, what I mean by that is that I'm not dating anyone, I'm not TRYING to date anyone, or I'm not getting anywhere with anyone and it's gotten me completely terrified. What am I so scared of? If there are any psychiatrists reading this blog is there a name for this condition? What am I supposed to do? Please if you know anything don't hesitate to let me know. I want to fix this, I know I'm sociable but this is just insane. I don't want to be alone with myself. I'm scared of the things I'll think of, I don't want my mind to be idle because the minute I do the pains of the past start to seep in and I don't want to be caught in that slump again.

I miss my phone.


  1. I think the only reason why I throw myself out there when I'm not busy is because I'm running away from being alone. And prolly something else. You probably are, too.

    Anyhoo, my phone conked out on me one time as I was off to meet friends, and I ended up using a bloody payphone. It was a very humbling experience. lol. >_>

  2. I think that psychological condition is mono/autophobia. Don't take me seriously on that one, I am no psychiatrist. I just heard it somewhere.

    Feel better.

  3. @misanthry Yeah i probably am running away from being alone, and I wouldn't mind using a payphone, only problem is I didn't know their numbers since it was all on my phone :p

    @vayie autophobia, sounds like I'm afraid of cars. heheheh. Sorry that joke sounded so much better in my head.

  4. I don't want my mind to be idle because the minute I do the pains of the past start to seep in and I don't want to be caught in that slump again.>>>there goes your answer gino. the ghost of the past..awoooo...

  5. that's why you chose your blogsite as, "an introverted mind in an extrovert's body"... :)

  6. @glaiza I was thiissssss close to taking that post seriously until you went aawooooooo

    @tony haha because that's what i am :)

  7. LOL!!! seriously...what are you afraid of? maybe when you find out then you can conquer them. you can be like one of them characters in star wars...

  8. Gino, you know the answers to your question but your trying to escape it. NO matter how hard you try vading what is inevitable, you can never be happy at the present. The best way to forget a person is to remember them always. Not unless you understand and accepted what had happened in your life that past will keep on hunting you till you try to face and conquer them. Im no psychologist but I am definitely sure you cannot be happy with your present not overcoming your past and it will be affecting your future greatly. Past is a part of our life. Learn to love it no matter how awful because it was there to teach us, to make us strong and be a better person. Use it to your own advantage not to your own personal destruction. You will surely go on for years and years, afraid of being alone when as a matter of fact a person needs his own precious time to be with himself and reflect his life. God bless Gino. Wish you will be happy na. Life is too beautiful to be wasted on past grievances.