I feel like the Doogie Howser MD theme should be playing in the background while i type this in.
I was planning on getting a massage today after boardwork, unfortunately the place that I would usually go to was already closed so I decided to just go home instead. I checked out the new DVDs I had and I started watching slum dog millionaire in the hopes that it would put me to sleep already, it did the exact opposite. The movie for me was absolutely captivating, and it really made me think a lot. For those of you who haven't seen it yet it deals a lot with destiny. This got me to thinking, do people really still believe in destiny? Do you honestly think that a certain path is written down for a man or woman to fulfill in his life?
More often than not life gives you very unexpected turns, things that you would never do in a million years but you end up doing them anyway. At one point in life I'm pretty sure you thought that you had a brilliant plan laid out, and you were so sure about it too. But what if something you didn't expect, something you didn't plan out deviated you from that path? What if you suddenly found yourself in a very strange road that was not at all familiar. Will you eventually get back on that path? Is an unexpected turn of events just a momentary bump to hinder you from getting to the end goal? or does it change completely because of that bump?
I know I may not be making much sense to most of you, but I guess I just have so many questions about life right now. I'd seen myself going to a very specific end goal before, and I was so sure of it. Bumps happened and now as much as I still want to end up in that specific place, I don't know if the universe will allow it, with all the complications in life, I don't know if it'll still end up the same way I always thought it out to be. I know i can plow through whatever challenge life throws at me, but at the end will I be standing there alone? In a place that's so unfamiliar, so alien, so strange to me? Or will it all still be the same. I think it was machiavelli who said the end justifies the means, so I guess the last question I have in my head now is if you change the means, will the end result still be the same?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
journey to the center of me.
I'm sitting in a starbucks that is very familiar, with my ever familiar low-fat mocha frappucino with no chocolate drip and no whipped cream with so many thoughts running through my mind.
I never really knew the importance of a few days. I always thought that if it was important enough it could always wait for the right time. I never found much value with the saying carpe diem until today. It's amazing how in a few days so many variables in life can change. That in so little time so many life-changing things could occur. I feel like I'm back in high school where everything was just extremely emotional and everything made you feel like you could take away your own life.
I've never truly been alone in my life, I've always had a safety net of sorts, I know that no man is an island but at this point I think it's about time I learned to stand on my own. If I ever read this in the future and I'm having doubts about myself or whatever situation I'm in. Here's a message to future me. Don't give up, really think about something before you do it and if you've thought it thru, do it right away. Regret is one of the most painful emotions ever, I guess I'm feeling that now actually I know that i'm feeling that now. But it's called regret for a reason, it's over and done with and more often than not you can't do anything about it anymore. I pray that I'm able to stand by the decisions that I've made recently and I pray that my resolve doesn't falter. I'd like to think that in every painful experience you have, you learn a lot from it. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much.
I'm now embarking on a journey to know who I really am and i'm sort of looking at it in a positive way. I know that whatever it is that I find in myself is something that I will like, something that I'll be content with and maybe then I can move forward. I hope that I don't have a lot idle moments because I know for a fact that everytime I do i'll be thinking about the mistakes that I've made. My dad told me something today that I've heard before but I've never really paid attention to. An idle mind is the devil's playground. In this scenario the devil is me, and I have to stop playing with myself ( hehe I know that sounds incredibly bad but I'm hoping you know what I mean). I pray for the strength to stand by my choice, I know it's gonna be hard but I hope that I can prove myself wrong. Emotion like my dad said, is governed by will. I hope that my will is strong enough to overcome these amazingly strong emotions. But if there's one thing that these emotions are giving me today, It's something to write about.
I never really knew the importance of a few days. I always thought that if it was important enough it could always wait for the right time. I never found much value with the saying carpe diem until today. It's amazing how in a few days so many variables in life can change. That in so little time so many life-changing things could occur. I feel like I'm back in high school where everything was just extremely emotional and everything made you feel like you could take away your own life.
I've never truly been alone in my life, I've always had a safety net of sorts, I know that no man is an island but at this point I think it's about time I learned to stand on my own. If I ever read this in the future and I'm having doubts about myself or whatever situation I'm in. Here's a message to future me. Don't give up, really think about something before you do it and if you've thought it thru, do it right away. Regret is one of the most painful emotions ever, I guess I'm feeling that now actually I know that i'm feeling that now. But it's called regret for a reason, it's over and done with and more often than not you can't do anything about it anymore. I pray that I'm able to stand by the decisions that I've made recently and I pray that my resolve doesn't falter. I'd like to think that in every painful experience you have, you learn a lot from it. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much.
I'm now embarking on a journey to know who I really am and i'm sort of looking at it in a positive way. I know that whatever it is that I find in myself is something that I will like, something that I'll be content with and maybe then I can move forward. I hope that I don't have a lot idle moments because I know for a fact that everytime I do i'll be thinking about the mistakes that I've made. My dad told me something today that I've heard before but I've never really paid attention to. An idle mind is the devil's playground. In this scenario the devil is me, and I have to stop playing with myself ( hehe I know that sounds incredibly bad but I'm hoping you know what I mean). I pray for the strength to stand by my choice, I know it's gonna be hard but I hope that I can prove myself wrong. Emotion like my dad said, is governed by will. I hope that my will is strong enough to overcome these amazingly strong emotions. But if there's one thing that these emotions are giving me today, It's something to write about.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
epic blog SAVE
25 things that everyone on facebook is pressured to do.. and since I pretty much have so little time to write these days I'll just post this here. hehe
1.First off, damn 25 things?! couldn't they just have made it like 10, I mean, who has 25 random things about themselves handy for situations like these.
2.I'm an extroverted geek, I love playing computer games at home but more often than not I can't stand being alone at home.
3.I like being sexy, although I'm really not and I've never ever been sexy so I wouldn't know how it feels, but I still like the thought.
4.I moved out of my parents house with 4000 pesos in my wallet and no bank account, thankfully I work in radio and TV now. Now I have a bank account with no money and I have less than 4 thousand in my wallet.
5.I'm a secret sap, Only 795 of my friends know this.
6.I don't sleep normal hours, although my room has no windows so it emulates night and that's good enough for me.
7.I dislike sunlight, not because it burns my skin or anything but I hate sweating when I'm not in gym clothes.
8.I'm currently on a canned tuna diet, and I TRY to run around the village every night to lose weight.
9.Damn I miss rice.
10.Damn I miss chocolates
11.Damn I miss softdrinks
12.Damn it all to hell, I'm no longer on a diet.
13.I'm pretty much a walking contradiction, I love to work, but at the same time I wanna just stay home and not do anything, I hate the sun but I love the beach.
14.I seriously need a vacation, just a LITTLE bit of time to get out of town or something
15.I spend at least 5 hours in front of a computer everyday, not because it's my job but simply because I want to. And no I don't allocate all that for porn, that only takes up 4 hours and 45 minutes of the 5.
16.I constantly pray that a mercedes benz slk 350 just drops out of the sky (in perfect condition) for me.
17.I think I'm currently in debt due to my phone bill, I call a lot apparently.
18.Coincidentally my show on RX is called g-spot and my show on ETC is called chillspot.
19.I have two older blood brothers and a ton of brothers from other mothers.
20.I dream of eventually living in a WONDERFUL condominium where everything is just amazingly minimalist.
21.I play basketball with my high-school barkada every Saturday but for some weird reason I don't think I'm getting better at it. ( I expect a lot of responses to this and knowing my barkada none of them will be positive)
22.I was named after a Russian ballerina and a Russian politician, take your pick.
23.I used to hustle pool, now that there's a pool table at home I suck at it.
24.I used to hate blogging but I then realized that it'd be a good writing exercise.
25.I have a blog haha, wwww.geekygangster.blogspot.com
1.First off, damn 25 things?! couldn't they just have made it like 10, I mean, who has 25 random things about themselves handy for situations like these.
2.I'm an extroverted geek, I love playing computer games at home but more often than not I can't stand being alone at home.
3.I like being sexy, although I'm really not and I've never ever been sexy so I wouldn't know how it feels, but I still like the thought.
4.I moved out of my parents house with 4000 pesos in my wallet and no bank account, thankfully I work in radio and TV now. Now I have a bank account with no money and I have less than 4 thousand in my wallet.
5.I'm a secret sap, Only 795 of my friends know this.
6.I don't sleep normal hours, although my room has no windows so it emulates night and that's good enough for me.
7.I dislike sunlight, not because it burns my skin or anything but I hate sweating when I'm not in gym clothes.
8.I'm currently on a canned tuna diet, and I TRY to run around the village every night to lose weight.
9.Damn I miss rice.
10.Damn I miss chocolates
11.Damn I miss softdrinks
12.Damn it all to hell, I'm no longer on a diet.
13.I'm pretty much a walking contradiction, I love to work, but at the same time I wanna just stay home and not do anything, I hate the sun but I love the beach.
14.I seriously need a vacation, just a LITTLE bit of time to get out of town or something
15.I spend at least 5 hours in front of a computer everyday, not because it's my job but simply because I want to. And no I don't allocate all that for porn, that only takes up 4 hours and 45 minutes of the 5.
16.I constantly pray that a mercedes benz slk 350 just drops out of the sky (in perfect condition) for me.
17.I think I'm currently in debt due to my phone bill, I call a lot apparently.
18.Coincidentally my show on RX is called g-spot and my show on ETC is called chillspot.
19.I have two older blood brothers and a ton of brothers from other mothers.
20.I dream of eventually living in a WONDERFUL condominium where everything is just amazingly minimalist.
21.I play basketball with my high-school barkada every Saturday but for some weird reason I don't think I'm getting better at it. ( I expect a lot of responses to this and knowing my barkada none of them will be positive)
22.I was named after a Russian ballerina and a Russian politician, take your pick.
23.I used to hustle pool, now that there's a pool table at home I suck at it.
24.I used to hate blogging but I then realized that it'd be a good writing exercise.
25.I have a blog haha, wwww.geekygangster.blogspo
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Home Improvement
I had another clear dream today, unfortunately it was rudely interrupted by people knocking on my door, but i still remember the details of it. What I don't remember though is the purpose of the dream. Basically I have the setting down but not the plot.
In this dream I had a BEAUTIFUL condominium, I mean don't get me wrong I love where I live in now, but this place in my head was just amazing. I distinctly remember the amazing bedroom that I had in it, It was very minimalist, nice clean lines and most of the colors were earth tones, It was a king sized bed, with nice wenge colored furniture in it. Something else stood out though, in a sea of neutral colors, I had dark blue glass cabinets. I don't exactly know what they're called but I've seen them plenty of times before in different colors. Imagine blue wood with non-glare glass on top of it, with nice sliding doors and all.
Of course I didn't just stay in the room so I eventually ventured out into the living area, and my God it was just such a sexy/sophisticated looking pad. It looked like a catalog for Ikea or Bo Concept. In the middle of it all though there was a tall and thick glass panel, from the floor to the ceiling. It was apparently meant for writing, one of those "boards" where you use like green or orange markers, though underneath the glass was a little pond of sorts complete with stones (the type you find in Japanese rock gardens). There was a little bar by the kitchen too, where I guess more often than not is where you would eat if you were just alone in the house or if you're just having breakfast. Basically everything was just so pristine. I honestly wish that I could draw properly only to give justice to this dream.
Another odd thing was that when I had stepped out into the balcony, It wasn't the Philippines i saw on the outside, It was a different country. I don't know if I should interpret this in the way that I think it should be.
Is this my sub-conscious telling me that if I go out of the country I would be earning so much more and basically living a life of luxury and style? Or does this simply mean I should re-arrange my furniture?
In this dream I had a BEAUTIFUL condominium, I mean don't get me wrong I love where I live in now, but this place in my head was just amazing. I distinctly remember the amazing bedroom that I had in it, It was very minimalist, nice clean lines and most of the colors were earth tones, It was a king sized bed, with nice wenge colored furniture in it. Something else stood out though, in a sea of neutral colors, I had dark blue glass cabinets. I don't exactly know what they're called but I've seen them plenty of times before in different colors. Imagine blue wood with non-glare glass on top of it, with nice sliding doors and all.
Of course I didn't just stay in the room so I eventually ventured out into the living area, and my God it was just such a sexy/sophisticated looking pad. It looked like a catalog for Ikea or Bo Concept. In the middle of it all though there was a tall and thick glass panel, from the floor to the ceiling. It was apparently meant for writing, one of those "boards" where you use like green or orange markers, though underneath the glass was a little pond of sorts complete with stones (the type you find in Japanese rock gardens). There was a little bar by the kitchen too, where I guess more often than not is where you would eat if you were just alone in the house or if you're just having breakfast. Basically everything was just so pristine. I honestly wish that I could draw properly only to give justice to this dream.
Another odd thing was that when I had stepped out into the balcony, It wasn't the Philippines i saw on the outside, It was a different country. I don't know if I should interpret this in the way that I think it should be.
Is this my sub-conscious telling me that if I go out of the country I would be earning so much more and basically living a life of luxury and style? Or does this simply mean I should re-arrange my furniture?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Parental Disclaimer
I truly feel that I had to write something on this because I guess for me this is one of the biggest enigmas in the world. I just finished watching meet the fockers and well a thought just dawned on me. Has anyone ever truly unlocked the secrets of parent-pleasing?
This I guess has always been a challenge for me because more often than not I'm very bad when it comes to parents in general, I mean except of course for my own. My biggest problem is that I'm EXTREMELY shy when it comes to parents and I guess they mistake that for being insincere, or they think I'm hiding something, or I deal pot, or I'm just cocky and I don't talk to parents. But see that's the thing, for me when I'm too comfortable with parents I feel like THAT'S being too cocky, because if you get too comfortable it's like your putting yourself on the same level that they are, which for me is really not supposed to be the case. No matter how successful you are, or how famous you are you will never really be equal to your friends parents. They've endured so much more than you & I have and for me that equates to adopting the "do not speak unless spoken to" mantra. I feel like that's the respect that they should be given. That's the respect that they should have.
Of course this doesn't bode too well for me, because like I said they often misinterpret it as a sign of disrespect. But you see if they could only understand that the reason why I'm extremely shy and quiet around them, then they would realize that "hey, this guy's just respecting me". I usually can't look parents straight in the eye much like a servant would not look at his queen's face. "I'm not worthy" is pretty much what goes through my head when moments like that occur. I don't know if this is all a part of the whole generation-gap thing, but I just hope that I make parents in general understand why people like me do that, because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has this problem. I've seen people who become close to parents in a heartbeat and honestly I don't know how they do it and I envy them. I mean it's not like I have anything to hide, I don't deal drugs, I'm not a convict or whatever, and basically I'm a pretty decent guy. Maybe some people are just born with that parental connection, and maybe some aren't, but maybe the reason why I'm posting this is in the hopes that someday parents will understand why guys like me will have a hard time being too chatty with them or TOO comfortable. We're not hiding anything we're just extremely respectful.
If anyone out there has a parental-pleasing guide, let me know and I'll try to use that as much as I can, Heck I'd memorize it if I had to.
This I guess has always been a challenge for me because more often than not I'm very bad when it comes to parents in general, I mean except of course for my own. My biggest problem is that I'm EXTREMELY shy when it comes to parents and I guess they mistake that for being insincere, or they think I'm hiding something, or I deal pot, or I'm just cocky and I don't talk to parents. But see that's the thing, for me when I'm too comfortable with parents I feel like THAT'S being too cocky, because if you get too comfortable it's like your putting yourself on the same level that they are, which for me is really not supposed to be the case. No matter how successful you are, or how famous you are you will never really be equal to your friends parents. They've endured so much more than you & I have and for me that equates to adopting the "do not speak unless spoken to" mantra. I feel like that's the respect that they should be given. That's the respect that they should have.
Of course this doesn't bode too well for me, because like I said they often misinterpret it as a sign of disrespect. But you see if they could only understand that the reason why I'm extremely shy and quiet around them, then they would realize that "hey, this guy's just respecting me". I usually can't look parents straight in the eye much like a servant would not look at his queen's face. "I'm not worthy" is pretty much what goes through my head when moments like that occur. I don't know if this is all a part of the whole generation-gap thing, but I just hope that I make parents in general understand why people like me do that, because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has this problem. I've seen people who become close to parents in a heartbeat and honestly I don't know how they do it and I envy them. I mean it's not like I have anything to hide, I don't deal drugs, I'm not a convict or whatever, and basically I'm a pretty decent guy. Maybe some people are just born with that parental connection, and maybe some aren't, but maybe the reason why I'm posting this is in the hopes that someday parents will understand why guys like me will have a hard time being too chatty with them or TOO comfortable. We're not hiding anything we're just extremely respectful.
If anyone out there has a parental-pleasing guide, let me know and I'll try to use that as much as I can, Heck I'd memorize it if I had to.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
2009 Unravels
It's only been 22 days into the new year and usually i would think nothing interesting would really happen this early in the year.
I had a pretty phenomenal year last year, 2008 was the start of a lot of big things for me so naturally i would think that last year would've been a really hard year to top in terms of success and all of that. I had just recently gotten the amazing job of being a DJ at RX 93.1 since I won Radio Idol season 4. That in itself i think is a pretty big achievement already. July of 2007, I was jobless and thinking of ways on how to pay rent for the place which i was staying in. One day my best-friend talked to me asking for a ride to RX to audition for radio idol and he said "Why don't you bring a resume and audition with me?" and the rest is history. So here i was starting out 2008 as a Jock for RX thinking to myself "this isn't bad at all". Hosting gigs came with the territory making it easier for me to provide for myself since I was living independently. Couple of months later one of the former RX jocks asked me to audition for a TV show on ETC. My self-confidence wasn't really in the best shape since well I wasn't in the best shape but against my judgment I did audition. Weeks had passed and I thought to myself "I'm never gonna get that job". Yet again I was surprised to find out that they did get me, despite my being a little chubby they opted to get me and my supposed competitor. It ended up to be one of the coolest things that I ever got to do, I love my 2 co-hosts, the producers and everyone else there. Well basically I just loved the jobs that i had.
Now for me this is a pretty big achievement, from moving out of my house jobless to ending up with 2 pretty hard to get to jobs in just less than a year. I had started seeing a side of me which I never really saw before. Responsibility started popping out in my vocabulary and I began to hate procrastinating, being idle and well just being a bum. Now the year was about to come to an end then I started to realize that this would be a REALLY hard year to top which saddened me a little bit mostly because I wanted to constantly progress and I had feared that I had climaxed too early or something to that effect. I was extremely thankful for the year 2008 but I had been dreading 2009 since I thought that it'd only bring disappointment or stagnation.
2009 is starting to unravel in front of my eyes, and from the looks of it, this is going to be a pretty amazing year. Of course I expect bumps to come up every now and then, but with the news I heard today and if everything pushes through it's going to be a GREAT year and I'm pretty much way in over my head again. Although so far I've been able to deal with that and I'm extremely ecstatic about the direction that I'm going to. I can't disclose any details yet, but if I could use one word to describe it, it would be...
EXCITING.
I had a pretty phenomenal year last year, 2008 was the start of a lot of big things for me so naturally i would think that last year would've been a really hard year to top in terms of success and all of that. I had just recently gotten the amazing job of being a DJ at RX 93.1 since I won Radio Idol season 4. That in itself i think is a pretty big achievement already. July of 2007, I was jobless and thinking of ways on how to pay rent for the place which i was staying in. One day my best-friend talked to me asking for a ride to RX to audition for radio idol and he said "Why don't you bring a resume and audition with me?" and the rest is history. So here i was starting out 2008 as a Jock for RX thinking to myself "this isn't bad at all". Hosting gigs came with the territory making it easier for me to provide for myself since I was living independently. Couple of months later one of the former RX jocks asked me to audition for a TV show on ETC. My self-confidence wasn't really in the best shape since well I wasn't in the best shape but against my judgment I did audition. Weeks had passed and I thought to myself "I'm never gonna get that job". Yet again I was surprised to find out that they did get me, despite my being a little chubby they opted to get me and my supposed competitor. It ended up to be one of the coolest things that I ever got to do, I love my 2 co-hosts, the producers and everyone else there. Well basically I just loved the jobs that i had.
Now for me this is a pretty big achievement, from moving out of my house jobless to ending up with 2 pretty hard to get to jobs in just less than a year. I had started seeing a side of me which I never really saw before. Responsibility started popping out in my vocabulary and I began to hate procrastinating, being idle and well just being a bum. Now the year was about to come to an end then I started to realize that this would be a REALLY hard year to top which saddened me a little bit mostly because I wanted to constantly progress and I had feared that I had climaxed too early or something to that effect. I was extremely thankful for the year 2008 but I had been dreading 2009 since I thought that it'd only bring disappointment or stagnation.
2009 is starting to unravel in front of my eyes, and from the looks of it, this is going to be a pretty amazing year. Of course I expect bumps to come up every now and then, but with the news I heard today and if everything pushes through it's going to be a GREAT year and I'm pretty much way in over my head again. Although so far I've been able to deal with that and I'm extremely ecstatic about the direction that I'm going to. I can't disclose any details yet, but if I could use one word to describe it, it would be...
EXCITING.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
There's a first for everything
I always told myself that i would never actually get into blogging...
I guess that was a lie judging from the fact that I'm already writing my first post ever. Truth be told I guess i just miss writing. I used to write a lot of short stories back in high school and in my early college years and for some strange reason i just stopped writing. I remember telling a friend of mine that the reason behind this was "when you're young you're very very emotional, and despite the fact that more things happen in your adult life now you're more in control of your emotions". I'm trying to remember now who said that all good writers are very emotional people, well either that or they were always drunk or on something, like Edgar Allan Poe. So hopefully I'll get to tap into my emotional side again so i can at least come up with something decent, though now that i think about it more often than not i was depressed back in the day so I guess what I'm really hoping for is to just tap the emotional side of me in a positive way.
A really amazing friend told me today that i should come up with a dream journal since i always remember my dreams and they're always these vivid pictures of a "perfect" life. maybe that's a good way to start writing again.
So it all started on a baseball field, apparently in this dream i had become a family man. I had 2 kids, 1 son and a daughter, of course my wife was standing there right beside me. Now i have pretty vivid graphic dreams but i can't ever come up with names for the people in them so I'll be putting random names to my dream characters. I can't really come up with any nice names for my children so for the sake of functionality i guess I'll just name the boy Blue and the girl would be Pink (I know it's not very imaginative but hey it's 4:36am) and my wife hmm... let's say Bella (since i just saw a twilight ad on the net a couple of minutes ago).
So we were standing in the baseball field my 2 kids were part of the little league team in a village over at Sta. Rosa, Westgrove to be exact (I'm pretty sure they don't have a baseball field there but hey it's a dream after all). The umpire had made a few bad calls when it came to my children playing naturally as the father I started getting pissed off and i was immediately thrown out of the game mostly because of the fact that I really wasn't the coach (Like a scene from old school where Vince Vaughn had been thrown out of a soccer game for his bad behavior, only the difference is HE was actually the coach). So here i am stark raving mad then i walk on over to my shiny silver SLK230, which i find very odd mostly because of the fact that I USUALLY want all my cars to be black aside from the obvious fact that i don't really drive around in a Mercedes. So i started driving back to the house. I had opened the gate of the wonderful glass house that I apparently lived in and parked my car with my wife's car following closely behind. She was driving a black Mercedes ML500 SUV (I just found it very weird that her car was black, is my subconscious telling me that I'd be giving up my wants just to make my family happy? I'm not really sure so I guess I'll have to consult somebody for that). So i was still pretty much mad but then Bella came up to me and just kissed me on the cheek and just because of that I had felt so much relief that I had completely forgotten about what I was stressing out. Blue and pink had already gone inside the house so Bella and I followed them as fast as we could. The minute i had walked into the house I had acted like it was nothing new in my dream but when I was thinking about it in real life it was truly a BEAUTIFUL house, very minimalist, very stylish and very bright (I mean it was a glasshouse after all). It had nice dark wooden planks for flooring, white or maybe beige walls, gorgeously designed ceilings complete with wooden beams and all, great lighting and a very nice black marble or maybe granite kitchen counter. The first thing i did as i walked into the house was head on over to the kitchen to prepare food because my parents were apparently joining my family for lunch since they lived in the same village.
See the thing with dreams is that while you're in it you don't really appreciate too many things in it, but the minute you wake up you suddenly see all these wonderfully intricate details and emotions attached to the dream itself. When I analyzed the dream I just realized how much pleasing my parents meant to me and how much I really want them to be part of my weekly routine even if I already had my own family.
My parents had just arrived together with my 2 older brothers, 1 of which had 2 children. Blue and Pink had run on over to the gate to welcome their grandparents, uncles and cousins, while Bella and I were pretty much busy setting up the table for them. We had a pretty ordinary lunch which i guess means that we had this every weekend and this wasn't anything new to well basically "dream" me. I don't exactly remember what happened after that, my dream had skipped a couple of hours to when Blue and Pink were in bed for an afternoon nap. Bella and I decided to go cycling around the village to the local gazebo where there was a garden over-looking a nice little meadow. Bella pulled out the red and white cloth where we were going to enjoy our little afternoon picnic is (I know, I know this is really typical, the checkered cloth I mean. I think every movie-picnic scene has this). Basically the rest of the dream was just bliss with Bella.
I guess this dream made me realize how much of a sap I really am, either that or I'm watching way too many romantic movies..
I guess that was a lie judging from the fact that I'm already writing my first post ever. Truth be told I guess i just miss writing. I used to write a lot of short stories back in high school and in my early college years and for some strange reason i just stopped writing. I remember telling a friend of mine that the reason behind this was "when you're young you're very very emotional, and despite the fact that more things happen in your adult life now you're more in control of your emotions". I'm trying to remember now who said that all good writers are very emotional people, well either that or they were always drunk or on something, like Edgar Allan Poe. So hopefully I'll get to tap into my emotional side again so i can at least come up with something decent, though now that i think about it more often than not i was depressed back in the day so I guess what I'm really hoping for is to just tap the emotional side of me in a positive way.
A really amazing friend told me today that i should come up with a dream journal since i always remember my dreams and they're always these vivid pictures of a "perfect" life. maybe that's a good way to start writing again.
So it all started on a baseball field, apparently in this dream i had become a family man. I had 2 kids, 1 son and a daughter, of course my wife was standing there right beside me. Now i have pretty vivid graphic dreams but i can't ever come up with names for the people in them so I'll be putting random names to my dream characters. I can't really come up with any nice names for my children so for the sake of functionality i guess I'll just name the boy Blue and the girl would be Pink (I know it's not very imaginative but hey it's 4:36am) and my wife hmm... let's say Bella (since i just saw a twilight ad on the net a couple of minutes ago).
So we were standing in the baseball field my 2 kids were part of the little league team in a village over at Sta. Rosa, Westgrove to be exact (I'm pretty sure they don't have a baseball field there but hey it's a dream after all). The umpire had made a few bad calls when it came to my children playing naturally as the father I started getting pissed off and i was immediately thrown out of the game mostly because of the fact that I really wasn't the coach (Like a scene from old school where Vince Vaughn had been thrown out of a soccer game for his bad behavior, only the difference is HE was actually the coach). So here i am stark raving mad then i walk on over to my shiny silver SLK230, which i find very odd mostly because of the fact that I USUALLY want all my cars to be black aside from the obvious fact that i don't really drive around in a Mercedes. So i started driving back to the house. I had opened the gate of the wonderful glass house that I apparently lived in and parked my car with my wife's car following closely behind. She was driving a black Mercedes ML500 SUV (I just found it very weird that her car was black, is my subconscious telling me that I'd be giving up my wants just to make my family happy? I'm not really sure so I guess I'll have to consult somebody for that). So i was still pretty much mad but then Bella came up to me and just kissed me on the cheek and just because of that I had felt so much relief that I had completely forgotten about what I was stressing out. Blue and pink had already gone inside the house so Bella and I followed them as fast as we could. The minute i had walked into the house I had acted like it was nothing new in my dream but when I was thinking about it in real life it was truly a BEAUTIFUL house, very minimalist, very stylish and very bright (I mean it was a glasshouse after all). It had nice dark wooden planks for flooring, white or maybe beige walls, gorgeously designed ceilings complete with wooden beams and all, great lighting and a very nice black marble or maybe granite kitchen counter. The first thing i did as i walked into the house was head on over to the kitchen to prepare food because my parents were apparently joining my family for lunch since they lived in the same village.
See the thing with dreams is that while you're in it you don't really appreciate too many things in it, but the minute you wake up you suddenly see all these wonderfully intricate details and emotions attached to the dream itself. When I analyzed the dream I just realized how much pleasing my parents meant to me and how much I really want them to be part of my weekly routine even if I already had my own family.
My parents had just arrived together with my 2 older brothers, 1 of which had 2 children. Blue and Pink had run on over to the gate to welcome their grandparents, uncles and cousins, while Bella and I were pretty much busy setting up the table for them. We had a pretty ordinary lunch which i guess means that we had this every weekend and this wasn't anything new to well basically "dream" me. I don't exactly remember what happened after that, my dream had skipped a couple of hours to when Blue and Pink were in bed for an afternoon nap. Bella and I decided to go cycling around the village to the local gazebo where there was a garden over-looking a nice little meadow. Bella pulled out the red and white cloth where we were going to enjoy our little afternoon picnic is (I know, I know this is really typical, the checkered cloth I mean. I think every movie-picnic scene has this). Basically the rest of the dream was just bliss with Bella.
I guess this dream made me realize how much of a sap I really am, either that or I'm watching way too many romantic movies..
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