Dear 2009,
First off I'd like to thank you for the wonderful things that you've brought into my life. You gave me a good job, you gave me enough finances to sustain my needs, and well you gave me a lot of good times. So for that I thank you, I'd also like to say that you were kind of a bitch for taking away Michael Jackson, Francis M, Brittany Murphy, Patrick Swayze and the thousands of Filipinos that you took during typhoon Ondoy.
Now on to more personal things, I don't know why you just had to screw with my head so much, what did I ever do to you? I mean here I was trying to live a peaceful happy life then you just had to go ahead and screw it all up. What's up with that? I mean you know for a fact that more often than not I have good intentions, why did you have to change all of that at certain periods of time? Why would you make me do things that I've never done before? I'm glad that I'm just writing this for you because I don't know what I'd do to you if I ever bumped into you again. I know this may sound bitter but I'm glad that you and I are done, I don't think I can handle you anymore. A little bit more time with you and I'd seriously consider jumping this ship that is life. Why do you constantly bring my hopes up then tear it down right after I'm starting to feel a semblance of happiness? Did anyone ever do that to you? More often than not people just hope for you to be good to them, but alas it doesn't work for everyone does it? I know that it didn't for me. I just want you to know that when you and I started I treated you with the utmost respect and you just spat on me. So before you go claiming that you're the shit of this decade..
I'mma let you finish, but I think that 2008 was better than you.
Sincerely
Gino Quillamor
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
If Star Wars had facebook it'd look a lot like this
Seriously I haven't laughed about anything online in a long time. Star Wars FTW! :)
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The holiday spirit.
If you read my blog, then you'll probably realize that it's been a while since I last posted anything. Things have been going pretty well in my life lately, I've been having a lot of fun going out with new found friends and all. I've seriously been having loads of fun this Christmas season because it's also my birthday month so as you can probably imagine it's a bunch of parties left and right. I haven't really had a lot of alone time lately which is I guess what I was after too.
And so comes Christmas eve. After dinner with my parents I immediately went home mostly due to the fact that I was completely exhausted this entire week. The minute I get home I get on my computer and put in a steady playlist on my I-tunes, get myself a glass of amaretto sprite and the first song that plays is Katy Perry's - Thinking of you. This song brings back a LOT of memories, good ones, which is what makes it very bitter sweet. Remembering something that you used to have, something which you thoroughly enjoyed, and something you still miss up to today. I'm happy for the year that has been but somehow it deeply saddens me that I have to leave it behind. Leaving 2009 behind is very painful because along with it I had to leave people behind as well. If I had it my way it wouldn't turn out like this but hey everyone knows you don't always get what you want. Never underestimate the power of songs, no matter what song it is, it will always take you back to a certain time or memory that could either be amazingly happy for you or terribly saddening. I guess it's just right that I am a DJ.
So to the year that has been and to the people who have touched my life this year, I wish you all the best. You know who you are, I just hope you read this. I truly, sincerely and whole-heartedly wish that you find love & happiness and I honestly hope I find that too.
Merry Christmas everyone. :)
And so comes Christmas eve. After dinner with my parents I immediately went home mostly due to the fact that I was completely exhausted this entire week. The minute I get home I get on my computer and put in a steady playlist on my I-tunes, get myself a glass of amaretto sprite and the first song that plays is Katy Perry's - Thinking of you. This song brings back a LOT of memories, good ones, which is what makes it very bitter sweet. Remembering something that you used to have, something which you thoroughly enjoyed, and something you still miss up to today. I'm happy for the year that has been but somehow it deeply saddens me that I have to leave it behind. Leaving 2009 behind is very painful because along with it I had to leave people behind as well. If I had it my way it wouldn't turn out like this but hey everyone knows you don't always get what you want. Never underestimate the power of songs, no matter what song it is, it will always take you back to a certain time or memory that could either be amazingly happy for you or terribly saddening. I guess it's just right that I am a DJ.
So to the year that has been and to the people who have touched my life this year, I wish you all the best. You know who you are, I just hope you read this. I truly, sincerely and whole-heartedly wish that you find love & happiness and I honestly hope I find that too.
Merry Christmas everyone. :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Rememberance
I've been a host for almost 3 years now, I've hosted company parties, corporate events, parties, debuts, weddings, birthday parties, kiddie parties, school fairs, concerts etc. But nothing could have prepared me for the hosting that I had yesterday.
I hosted a eulogy for my friend's uncle who I got to hang out with as well.
It's amazing how much of an emotional roller coaster a wake can be, A lot of people who were a lot closer to the celebrant than I was spoke about him too. The reason why I say celebrant is because I'd really like to think that he's in a better place, therefore it should be a cause for celebration. Now I know for a fact that I wasn't the only one who thought of this as well, but how do you honestly expect to be happy knowing that you'll never get to hang out with this person again, knowing that you wont hear his voice, his laugh, or see his face again? Even if you know that he is in a better place it's still undoubtedly one of the most difficult things you can do. People laughed, people cried, most of them started off with the memories they had of him, the good times. They tried their very best to keep the mood light and happy but at the end of it all, remembering all of the good things made them realize how much they would miss him.
I'm not bragging or anything but I consider myself to be a relatively okay host, but in a situation like this I don't think that really counts. I said a lot of things yesterday but I didn't want to share all the memories I had of him. So instead I'll write it down here, I know that possibly a million people could view this (I highly doubt that) but I consider this to be my own little private space where I can really say (or type) what's on my mind. So I'd like to share my own farewell for him from a non-hosting perspective.
Tito Nilo, you were one of the most generous people I've ever met and trust me I know a lot of generous people, you never brought about bad vibes whenever we were hanging out, you never expected anything in return for your generosity despite our efforts to try to repay you. You were an amazing defender for basketball, and a really awesome "bro". A lot of us looked up to you in a way that you possibly couldn't have understood. I know that you had a lot of things you still needed to do, but I'm sure that at the very end you figured out that you did so much more than what everyone expected of you.
From Basketball, to Jolibee, to fiamma, and to isshin. In the many many times that you showed your generosity to us. I hope that when I spoke for your eulogy I was somehow able to repay you for all the kindness that you showed us. I know you never asked for anything in return but I hope that you would consider what I did yesterday as a final gift to you.
Rest in peace Tito Nilo Malfatti. God speed.
I hosted a eulogy for my friend's uncle who I got to hang out with as well.
It's amazing how much of an emotional roller coaster a wake can be, A lot of people who were a lot closer to the celebrant than I was spoke about him too. The reason why I say celebrant is because I'd really like to think that he's in a better place, therefore it should be a cause for celebration. Now I know for a fact that I wasn't the only one who thought of this as well, but how do you honestly expect to be happy knowing that you'll never get to hang out with this person again, knowing that you wont hear his voice, his laugh, or see his face again? Even if you know that he is in a better place it's still undoubtedly one of the most difficult things you can do. People laughed, people cried, most of them started off with the memories they had of him, the good times. They tried their very best to keep the mood light and happy but at the end of it all, remembering all of the good things made them realize how much they would miss him.
I'm not bragging or anything but I consider myself to be a relatively okay host, but in a situation like this I don't think that really counts. I said a lot of things yesterday but I didn't want to share all the memories I had of him. So instead I'll write it down here, I know that possibly a million people could view this (I highly doubt that) but I consider this to be my own little private space where I can really say (or type) what's on my mind. So I'd like to share my own farewell for him from a non-hosting perspective.
Tito Nilo, you were one of the most generous people I've ever met and trust me I know a lot of generous people, you never brought about bad vibes whenever we were hanging out, you never expected anything in return for your generosity despite our efforts to try to repay you. You were an amazing defender for basketball, and a really awesome "bro". A lot of us looked up to you in a way that you possibly couldn't have understood. I know that you had a lot of things you still needed to do, but I'm sure that at the very end you figured out that you did so much more than what everyone expected of you.
From Basketball, to Jolibee, to fiamma, and to isshin. In the many many times that you showed your generosity to us. I hope that when I spoke for your eulogy I was somehow able to repay you for all the kindness that you showed us. I know you never asked for anything in return but I hope that you would consider what I did yesterday as a final gift to you.
Rest in peace Tito Nilo Malfatti. God speed.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
The winds of change
"The only thing that is permanent is change." - Heraclitus
It's amazing how fast we can adapt to certain situations. A few weeks ago I was feeling terrible, I felt like I was at a low point of my life. I wasn't coping very well with being single since I'm not very used to it.
With no major event happening in my life, without any trigger of any sort. I just woke up and said it's time to stop moping around. All of a sudden everything seemed okay, everything feels alright. I don't feel the need to be with somebody, not that I'm saying that I don't that want to happen but I just don't think it's a necessity anymore. I'm coping with it pretty well, just enjoying whatever it is that I'm doing as of the moment. Simple things from basketball, to going out with friends, playing xbox, playing a multiplayer game with friends. Everything seems enjoyable, I guess you just have to find your niche. They say that the human body can only take chemical imbalances (i.e. Love, Depression, Anger) for a certain amount of time. I guess that amount of time has passed for me.
I'll end this entry with a quote from one of my favorite zombie films. Zombieland.
"Rule #32 in zombieland. Enjoy the little things."
It's amazing how fast we can adapt to certain situations. A few weeks ago I was feeling terrible, I felt like I was at a low point of my life. I wasn't coping very well with being single since I'm not very used to it.
With no major event happening in my life, without any trigger of any sort. I just woke up and said it's time to stop moping around. All of a sudden everything seemed okay, everything feels alright. I don't feel the need to be with somebody, not that I'm saying that I don't that want to happen but I just don't think it's a necessity anymore. I'm coping with it pretty well, just enjoying whatever it is that I'm doing as of the moment. Simple things from basketball, to going out with friends, playing xbox, playing a multiplayer game with friends. Everything seems enjoyable, I guess you just have to find your niche. They say that the human body can only take chemical imbalances (i.e. Love, Depression, Anger) for a certain amount of time. I guess that amount of time has passed for me.
I'll end this entry with a quote from one of my favorite zombie films. Zombieland.
"Rule #32 in zombieland. Enjoy the little things."
Thursday, December 3, 2009
The best of both worlds
First off, good morning world. It's the first time that I'm actually writing a blog entry in the morning. I literally just woke up and my mind is still pretty much fresh from dreamland.
I remember having a conversation with my friend yesterday about Barney Stinson and Ted Mosby. If you don't know who these two are they're characters from how I met your mother. Barney is a smooth talking, amazingly colorful, womanizing, Armani clad man full of awesomeness. Whereas Ted is a failed architect turned professor. He's terrible at dating and he pretty much doesn't really dress up. He's a total romantic sap. Now this friend of mine and I just share one thing in common, we both just got out of long-term relationships. If I remember correctly he broke up with his girlfriend 1 week after my relationship ended. So as you can pretty much imagine I guess we're both going through the same thing.
We talked about how he feels like he's Ted Mosby disguised as Barney and how much he wanted to be just like Barney. 1 shallow one night stand after the other, with the ability to be un-emotional when it comes to relationships. Yes, I agree that there is an upside to this because well at least you don't get hurt, but what I pointed out to him was that at the end of it all even if the Ted Mosbys' of the world are more often than not disappointed and hurt, at the end of it all we're the ones who find TRUE happiness. The Barney Stinsons' of the world may have fun now but at the end of the day they lead empty, hollow lives. And then it got me to thinking, wouldn't it be amazing if you had the ability to switch between these two characters at will? Being completely emotion-less as you're going through the dating ranks then once you find someone who you feel is going to be terrific together with you, you suddenly switch to Ted mode?
At the end of the conversation I remember telling him one thing, If we're both so sick of just being depressed, maybe it's time we get back into the game :)
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
sap.
Yes the title pretty much says it all. For those of you who cannot handle cheese, this is it. Turn back now.
I know that stereotypically I'm not supposed to want cuddling up, spooning, curling up in bed with someone and watching dvds or something to that effect but sue me because that's what I miss the most.
The one thing I truly miss about being in a relationship with somebody is exactly that, the quality time. I'm not gonna be a hypocrite though and say that I didn't enjoy sex or whatever (yes that's an open admission that I'm not a virgin anymore, big whoop) but yeah, sappy as it may seem I really miss the quality time. I guess I sort of miss the routines of being in a relationship as well, things that seem like they're chores when you're in a relationship are the things that you miss when you're not in one. I don't fully understand why people are like that? Why do people only realize things they have when they're already gone. And even if you go through it again, chances are you'll get sick of it again and let it go. Rinse & repeat. Why is it so hard to condition the human mind into just being content? I know for a fact that this ambition, or this drive for something better has a good side to it because you'll constantly be on the lookout for something better, but is there a point where you can literally just tell your mind "Stop! I'm fine with this. No more hunting for better things"?
Contentment (Who by the way is friends with Expectations and Reality. They're like the mean girls/plastics of the Word World.) is such a bitch to find, always hiding, always making you think that you've got it already then once you have it in your hands all of a sudden it slips off into nothingness. Then you're back to square one.
I know that ambition is a powerful driving force, but is there a way to contain it only to certain aspects of life? I mean don't get me wrong, it's not like I wanna settle down already or anything, but maybe I just want somebody I can call on whenever I've got good news, or bad news, or any news for that matter. Maybe I just want somebody to be there for me, in the same way that I would be there for her. Maybe I just want someone who I can hold for however long I want to hold where it wont feel awkward and you don't have to politely back down. Maybe I just want to see someone smile at me not just because you haven't seen each other in a while, or because you said something funny but because they're just truly happy to see you. Maybe a part of me wants someone to go home to, or to go home for. They say Sagittariuses are free spirits, they say that we thrive on freedom and we're sucky at relationships.
They may have been right about the latter part, but I highly disagree with the former.
I know that stereotypically I'm not supposed to want cuddling up, spooning, curling up in bed with someone and watching dvds or something to that effect but sue me because that's what I miss the most.
The one thing I truly miss about being in a relationship with somebody is exactly that, the quality time. I'm not gonna be a hypocrite though and say that I didn't enjoy sex or whatever (yes that's an open admission that I'm not a virgin anymore, big whoop) but yeah, sappy as it may seem I really miss the quality time. I guess I sort of miss the routines of being in a relationship as well, things that seem like they're chores when you're in a relationship are the things that you miss when you're not in one. I don't fully understand why people are like that? Why do people only realize things they have when they're already gone. And even if you go through it again, chances are you'll get sick of it again and let it go. Rinse & repeat. Why is it so hard to condition the human mind into just being content? I know for a fact that this ambition, or this drive for something better has a good side to it because you'll constantly be on the lookout for something better, but is there a point where you can literally just tell your mind "Stop! I'm fine with this. No more hunting for better things"?
Contentment (Who by the way is friends with Expectations and Reality. They're like the mean girls/plastics of the Word World.) is such a bitch to find, always hiding, always making you think that you've got it already then once you have it in your hands all of a sudden it slips off into nothingness. Then you're back to square one.
I know that ambition is a powerful driving force, but is there a way to contain it only to certain aspects of life? I mean don't get me wrong, it's not like I wanna settle down already or anything, but maybe I just want somebody I can call on whenever I've got good news, or bad news, or any news for that matter. Maybe I just want somebody to be there for me, in the same way that I would be there for her. Maybe I just want someone who I can hold for however long I want to hold where it wont feel awkward and you don't have to politely back down. Maybe I just want to see someone smile at me not just because you haven't seen each other in a while, or because you said something funny but because they're just truly happy to see you. Maybe a part of me wants someone to go home to, or to go home for. They say Sagittariuses are free spirits, they say that we thrive on freedom and we're sucky at relationships.
They may have been right about the latter part, but I highly disagree with the former.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
on the wire.
To start things off I had a terrific weekend. For the first time in two years I finally took a vacation just to sort of rejuvenate for the past 2 years of non-stop working I guess. Don't get me wrong I'm very thankful that I've been incredibly busy for the 2 years I've been working but I guess this was just a much needed break from work, life and I guess at some point myself as well.
I spent the 1st night just looking up at the stars for a good hour and a half until my neck started to hurt and one very silly yet meaningful quote came out of that night, "The world is just like a vagina, you just have to find the right spot". I know that most of you probably think this is stupid, but seriously I found meaning in this for some strange reason. I think I have found my general spot, I guess I sort of just have to fine tune my territory if you know what I mean.
If you've read my blog I'm sure you'd notice that I'm not really 100% happy with the way life is right now, I mean seriously doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure that out but as a silver lining to this incredibly dark cloud that I'm moving through right now. I think I've finally found where I want to be and it's right here where I am now. I just have to work for a few more things to make it completely or to say it in a more realistic manner to be extremely close to perfection when it comes to life.
I've never really realized the importance of vacations, until now. I started to think that I like my life, I love my job, and I love the friends that I have. Vacations give you time to clear your mind to realize all the good things that you've got going for you. It makes you see what you're missing out on or in my case what I was missing. When I went back home I felt incredibly happy.
I never knew the world was this nice, you just have to find the right perspective when you're looking at it :)
I spent the 1st night just looking up at the stars for a good hour and a half until my neck started to hurt and one very silly yet meaningful quote came out of that night, "The world is just like a vagina, you just have to find the right spot". I know that most of you probably think this is stupid, but seriously I found meaning in this for some strange reason. I think I have found my general spot, I guess I sort of just have to fine tune my territory if you know what I mean.
If you've read my blog I'm sure you'd notice that I'm not really 100% happy with the way life is right now, I mean seriously doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure that out but as a silver lining to this incredibly dark cloud that I'm moving through right now. I think I've finally found where I want to be and it's right here where I am now. I just have to work for a few more things to make it completely or to say it in a more realistic manner to be extremely close to perfection when it comes to life.
I've never really realized the importance of vacations, until now. I started to think that I like my life, I love my job, and I love the friends that I have. Vacations give you time to clear your mind to realize all the good things that you've got going for you. It makes you see what you're missing out on or in my case what I was missing. When I went back home I felt incredibly happy.
I never knew the world was this nice, you just have to find the right perspective when you're looking at it :)
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Solitude
I'm terrified.
Today right after basketball, my phone's LCD conked out for no apparent reason, I finished playing at around 10:30pm, Originally I was supposed to go out to encore with a bunch of friends, as you can see my phone conking out proved to be a problem. I didn't have any of their numbers so as early as now, I'm sorry Christi and Gelli but I'll make it up to you guys. Now normally other people would just take this as a sign to stay home, I on the other hand tried my best to find a way out of it. 1 of the reasons of course is because I had already given my word to my friends saying that I would join them but I think the bigger reason is because I didn't want to be at home alone when I had absolutely nothing to do at home and I wasn't even tired yet. Then I realized,
I'm afraid of being alone.
Do I not like myself that much that I can't even bear the thought of being alone by myself for 1 night, I mean obviously I've done this before, I live in my own condo but what gets me the most is that usually when I do stay at home I'm usually extremely tired, Exhausted to the point of collapsing or I have something that I have to do at home. Today however I have absolutely nothing planned, and I'm seriously terrified of being here. I honestly don't get it, I've been living by myself for almost 2 and a half years now, well sort of, the house I lived in for about 2 years was full of other house mates. for 5 months or so though I have been living completely alone. Which bring me to yet another stunning realization about myself that the reason why I'm rarely single is because I'm afraid of being alone. I jump from one relationship to the next and I think this is the only time that I'm truly single, what I mean by that is that I'm not dating anyone, I'm not TRYING to date anyone, or I'm not getting anywhere with anyone and it's gotten me completely terrified. What am I so scared of? If there are any psychiatrists reading this blog is there a name for this condition? What am I supposed to do? Please if you know anything don't hesitate to let me know. I want to fix this, I know I'm sociable but this is just insane. I don't want to be alone with myself. I'm scared of the things I'll think of, I don't want my mind to be idle because the minute I do the pains of the past start to seep in and I don't want to be caught in that slump again.
I miss my phone.
Today right after basketball, my phone's LCD conked out for no apparent reason, I finished playing at around 10:30pm, Originally I was supposed to go out to encore with a bunch of friends, as you can see my phone conking out proved to be a problem. I didn't have any of their numbers so as early as now, I'm sorry Christi and Gelli but I'll make it up to you guys. Now normally other people would just take this as a sign to stay home, I on the other hand tried my best to find a way out of it. 1 of the reasons of course is because I had already given my word to my friends saying that I would join them but I think the bigger reason is because I didn't want to be at home alone when I had absolutely nothing to do at home and I wasn't even tired yet. Then I realized,
I'm afraid of being alone.
Do I not like myself that much that I can't even bear the thought of being alone by myself for 1 night, I mean obviously I've done this before, I live in my own condo but what gets me the most is that usually when I do stay at home I'm usually extremely tired, Exhausted to the point of collapsing or I have something that I have to do at home. Today however I have absolutely nothing planned, and I'm seriously terrified of being here. I honestly don't get it, I've been living by myself for almost 2 and a half years now, well sort of, the house I lived in for about 2 years was full of other house mates. for 5 months or so though I have been living completely alone. Which bring me to yet another stunning realization about myself that the reason why I'm rarely single is because I'm afraid of being alone. I jump from one relationship to the next and I think this is the only time that I'm truly single, what I mean by that is that I'm not dating anyone, I'm not TRYING to date anyone, or I'm not getting anywhere with anyone and it's gotten me completely terrified. What am I so scared of? If there are any psychiatrists reading this blog is there a name for this condition? What am I supposed to do? Please if you know anything don't hesitate to let me know. I want to fix this, I know I'm sociable but this is just insane. I don't want to be alone with myself. I'm scared of the things I'll think of, I don't want my mind to be idle because the minute I do the pains of the past start to seep in and I don't want to be caught in that slump again.
I miss my phone.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Distractions (The good kind or at least I think so)
First of, as I write this I had to turn off the music. Apparently I find it hard to write something that makes sense (I hope it does) while the glee cast's version of defying gravity is playing in the background.
Now I'm sure we all have a ton of things we're all stressing about, it could be anything from work, to relationships, to financial stability or instability for that matter or familial obligations. There's literally a thousand things that could probably be making your life more difficult right now. I know a lot of you are probably saying that this is just life, and that's just how it's meant to be. But let me ask you, have you ever gotten to a point where it was just a little bit too much for you to handle? That you just want your brain to stop functioning even for a split second just to give you a little sense of peace and serenity? Where you feel like you're going to implode (not in a good sexual manner) because of everything that's happening around you? If you have then I hope you've found your distraction because I think I've finally found mine, or maybe I should say I rediscovered it.
If you know me personally I'm sure you've pretty much figured out that I'm not the most athletic person in the world, I probably could have made it big if I pushed through with golf or swimming but I never really had the heart for it. If you know me even better, I'm sure you're thinking in your head that video games are my ultimate distraction, but lately it hasn't really been working. Would you believe I haven't touched my xbox or my rockband set in almost 3 weeks? That's how disturbing life has been for me in the past few weeks that even games, my number 1 distraction hasn't been working for me. The fact that it doesn't work for me anymore totally kills me because now I'm stuck with depression and no way of handling it. I really just wanted a little peace of mind in this time of turmoil. Much to my surprise I finally discovered something pretty unexpected, I found my distraction and I know it may sound stupid to you, yes you but it's been the focal point of my happiness as of late.
Basketball. I know it sounds stupid, but lately this has been the only thing I've been looking forward to lately (sounds kind of sad I know). But right after the adrenaline and the high of being on court I just end up too tired to actually think about everything I've been stressing about, don't get me wrong it's not like I've forgotten my problems or anything but I've just been really preoccupied with it that my brain doesn't have enough left to think of anything else. Oddly enough it's not like this is the first time I've ever played basketball, I mean I've been playing since I was in high school (I know it doesn't look it but I swear).
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I found a distraction, but it makes me wonder though, until when is this gonna distract me? I mean video games used to do it for me before (that sounds so dirty in my head right now) now it's completely lost it's power over me. When is the day that I have to face my fears and not just keep myself busy with distractions? When will the day come that I won't even need distractions? Trust me, I would give off my left pinky to just write down EVERYTHING that I feel here, but the fear of rejection, of humiliation is just too great. I wish I could just write the way I feel about you right now, right here and just leave everything else to chance. But sadly that's not the way the world works, you have to wait for the right time, the right chance to say whatever it is that you have to say. The first step however is getting them to look at you, sadly as of this moment I'm just another face you don't even remember in a sea of people vying for your attention. So even if I did write it all down here, I don't think it'd be worth anything.
A really good friend of mine who knows my situation wrote a song about it, I read the lyrics that he wrote and it just hit me so bad that it hurts. I hope that he can make it happen though, and it'd be nice to say that eventually if the day comes that I can actually talk to her I could go like, hey you know my friend was inspired to write this song because he knew exactly what I was going through.
Today I thought to myself that playing games, and playing basketball were distracting enough. I wrote about it being a good distraction.
I was wrong.
Now I'm sure we all have a ton of things we're all stressing about, it could be anything from work, to relationships, to financial stability or instability for that matter or familial obligations. There's literally a thousand things that could probably be making your life more difficult right now. I know a lot of you are probably saying that this is just life, and that's just how it's meant to be. But let me ask you, have you ever gotten to a point where it was just a little bit too much for you to handle? That you just want your brain to stop functioning even for a split second just to give you a little sense of peace and serenity? Where you feel like you're going to implode (not in a good sexual manner) because of everything that's happening around you? If you have then I hope you've found your distraction because I think I've finally found mine, or maybe I should say I rediscovered it.
If you know me personally I'm sure you've pretty much figured out that I'm not the most athletic person in the world, I probably could have made it big if I pushed through with golf or swimming but I never really had the heart for it. If you know me even better, I'm sure you're thinking in your head that video games are my ultimate distraction, but lately it hasn't really been working. Would you believe I haven't touched my xbox or my rockband set in almost 3 weeks? That's how disturbing life has been for me in the past few weeks that even games, my number 1 distraction hasn't been working for me. The fact that it doesn't work for me anymore totally kills me because now I'm stuck with depression and no way of handling it. I really just wanted a little peace of mind in this time of turmoil. Much to my surprise I finally discovered something pretty unexpected, I found my distraction and I know it may sound stupid to you, yes you but it's been the focal point of my happiness as of late.
Basketball. I know it sounds stupid, but lately this has been the only thing I've been looking forward to lately (sounds kind of sad I know). But right after the adrenaline and the high of being on court I just end up too tired to actually think about everything I've been stressing about, don't get me wrong it's not like I've forgotten my problems or anything but I've just been really preoccupied with it that my brain doesn't have enough left to think of anything else. Oddly enough it's not like this is the first time I've ever played basketball, I mean I've been playing since I was in high school (I know it doesn't look it but I swear).
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I found a distraction, but it makes me wonder though, until when is this gonna distract me? I mean video games used to do it for me before (that sounds so dirty in my head right now) now it's completely lost it's power over me. When is the day that I have to face my fears and not just keep myself busy with distractions? When will the day come that I won't even need distractions? Trust me, I would give off my left pinky to just write down EVERYTHING that I feel here, but the fear of rejection, of humiliation is just too great. I wish I could just write the way I feel about you right now, right here and just leave everything else to chance. But sadly that's not the way the world works, you have to wait for the right time, the right chance to say whatever it is that you have to say. The first step however is getting them to look at you, sadly as of this moment I'm just another face you don't even remember in a sea of people vying for your attention. So even if I did write it all down here, I don't think it'd be worth anything.
A really good friend of mine who knows my situation wrote a song about it, I read the lyrics that he wrote and it just hit me so bad that it hurts. I hope that he can make it happen though, and it'd be nice to say that eventually if the day comes that I can actually talk to her I could go like, hey you know my friend was inspired to write this song because he knew exactly what I was going through.
Today I thought to myself that playing games, and playing basketball were distracting enough. I wrote about it being a good distraction.
I was wrong.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Romance is dead.
I'm not cynical believe me, and I don't hate love, in fact I cherish it. I'm sure you're thinking this is me just being bitter or something along those lines, but there is a reason this post is titled that way.
Take twilight as an example, or of course the talk of the town for the past 2 weeks or so, New Moon. They say that every woman wants an Edward Cullen in their life, someone who would love them as much as Mr. Cullen himself, that it's really not just because he's good looking, rich, incredibly strong and fast or whatever but it's also because of the fact that he is completely, utterly in love with Bella.
Example number 2, How I met your mother. If you haven't seen this series yet, I recommend you do. Ted Mosby, he's the most romantic/sensitive dude on television. He doesn't say I love you just to get in your pants or whatever, when he says it he actually means it. He's not deceptive, he doesn't play around and well he's a decent guy.
Example number 3, Ewan Mcgregor in moulin rouge. Completely in love with love. All around good guy, doesn't even think about anyone else except Satine despite her being a courtesan.
Example number 4, Romeo. As in Romeo & Juliet, I don't think I even need to describe this story to you anymore.
Chronological breakdown. In Romeo & Juliet, Romeo dies (of course so does Juliet). WHY? why do they have to punish people who are just in love? Is it a crime? I mean why did the writers have to do that? Is the world trying to crucify people who believe in what they feel? It's pretty much the same story with example number 3. Christian a.k.a. Ewan Mcgregor, believes in love so bad that he fights for his love for a courtesan despite oh I don't know certain death? and lo and behold just right after they make it through the frigging storm the writer decides to kill Satine! Yet again telling the world "Hey kids don't believe in love, because more often than not It'll kill you."
Now on to my other 2 points, In How I met your mother, Ted more often than not, gets rejected. Whereas barney has slept with about oh I dunno 200 women according to his list. Not that I'm saying that sleeping with other people is the objective but how is it that he gets to get the girls despite his ulterior motives? Don't get me wrong Barney is an awesome character, he's highly entertaining and all but most people would say I'd want a Ted in my life not a Barney. But look around you, Barneys everywhere are glorified left and right. Teds are forgotten.
Which brings me to my final point, In New Moon, everyone says I want an Edward Cullen in my life, somebody who can love me as much as he does, blah blah blah blah. Right after you watch New Moon, the only thing you'll hear is "oh my god Jacob was so hot". Mr. Romance (the college dork who doesn't know a thing about playing around with women and only says things because he means it) just got trampled over by Mr. Realism (the college football player, the prom king or as it was said in 500 days of summer, Lars from Sweden, with Brad Pitt's face and Jesus' abs.)
Take twilight as an example, or of course the talk of the town for the past 2 weeks or so, New Moon. They say that every woman wants an Edward Cullen in their life, someone who would love them as much as Mr. Cullen himself, that it's really not just because he's good looking, rich, incredibly strong and fast or whatever but it's also because of the fact that he is completely, utterly in love with Bella.
Example number 2, How I met your mother. If you haven't seen this series yet, I recommend you do. Ted Mosby, he's the most romantic/sensitive dude on television. He doesn't say I love you just to get in your pants or whatever, when he says it he actually means it. He's not deceptive, he doesn't play around and well he's a decent guy.
Example number 3, Ewan Mcgregor in moulin rouge. Completely in love with love. All around good guy, doesn't even think about anyone else except Satine despite her being a courtesan.
Example number 4, Romeo. As in Romeo & Juliet, I don't think I even need to describe this story to you anymore.
Chronological breakdown. In Romeo & Juliet, Romeo dies (of course so does Juliet). WHY? why do they have to punish people who are just in love? Is it a crime? I mean why did the writers have to do that? Is the world trying to crucify people who believe in what they feel? It's pretty much the same story with example number 3. Christian a.k.a. Ewan Mcgregor, believes in love so bad that he fights for his love for a courtesan despite oh I don't know certain death? and lo and behold just right after they make it through the frigging storm the writer decides to kill Satine! Yet again telling the world "Hey kids don't believe in love, because more often than not It'll kill you."
Now on to my other 2 points, In How I met your mother, Ted more often than not, gets rejected. Whereas barney has slept with about oh I dunno 200 women according to his list. Not that I'm saying that sleeping with other people is the objective but how is it that he gets to get the girls despite his ulterior motives? Don't get me wrong Barney is an awesome character, he's highly entertaining and all but most people would say I'd want a Ted in my life not a Barney. But look around you, Barneys everywhere are glorified left and right. Teds are forgotten.
Which brings me to my final point, In New Moon, everyone says I want an Edward Cullen in my life, somebody who can love me as much as he does, blah blah blah blah. Right after you watch New Moon, the only thing you'll hear is "oh my god Jacob was so hot". Mr. Romance (the college dork who doesn't know a thing about playing around with women and only says things because he means it) just got trampled over by Mr. Realism (the college football player, the prom king or as it was said in 500 days of summer, Lars from Sweden, with Brad Pitt's face and Jesus' abs.)
Click.
As I write this down a thousand thoughts run through my head, but I'd be lucky to write down at least 1 coherent thought.
Let's start with one topic of discussion that has been coming up a lot lately..
Regret.
I know we're supposed to live life with no regrets and all, but seriously is this even a realistic statement? We go through so many things in each and every single day of our lives and we're bound to do something that we absolutely abhor. I think the more realistic thing to say would be live life knowing regret, not forgetting it or not letting it go, but learning from every single painful detail of it. I mean after all like Alfred said in Batman Begins, "Why do we fall off the horse? So we can learn to get back on it."
I won't lie to you, I have a million regrets in life, simple things from why did I eat this today? Why did I drink this much today? Why did I make a left where it was completely traffic? To the more relevant regrets like Why did I not do as well as I should have in school? Why have I always been an academic under-achiever? Why did I let go? Why didn't I have enough courage to say what I really wanted to say? and so the list goes on.
I know it'd be completely wonderful to say that I have no regrets in my life and it gives you this aura of wisdom about you, but honestly, ask yourself, do you REALLY have no regrets in your life? No moment in time where you wish you could have just hit the rewind button on the lower left corner of your life just to go back at least 1 minute before you made the first move or for that matter the last one?
Within the million thoughts running through my head right now 999,999 thoughts are probably things that I regret, I'm not saying that I wish I could change it all because if I did it would totally change who I am now and what I've become. All I'm saying is, it would've been nice to change at least 1.
Let's start with one topic of discussion that has been coming up a lot lately..
Regret.
I know we're supposed to live life with no regrets and all, but seriously is this even a realistic statement? We go through so many things in each and every single day of our lives and we're bound to do something that we absolutely abhor. I think the more realistic thing to say would be live life knowing regret, not forgetting it or not letting it go, but learning from every single painful detail of it. I mean after all like Alfred said in Batman Begins, "Why do we fall off the horse? So we can learn to get back on it."
I won't lie to you, I have a million regrets in life, simple things from why did I eat this today? Why did I drink this much today? Why did I make a left where it was completely traffic? To the more relevant regrets like Why did I not do as well as I should have in school? Why have I always been an academic under-achiever? Why did I let go? Why didn't I have enough courage to say what I really wanted to say? and so the list goes on.
I know it'd be completely wonderful to say that I have no regrets in my life and it gives you this aura of wisdom about you, but honestly, ask yourself, do you REALLY have no regrets in your life? No moment in time where you wish you could have just hit the rewind button on the lower left corner of your life just to go back at least 1 minute before you made the first move or for that matter the last one?
Within the million thoughts running through my head right now 999,999 thoughts are probably things that I regret, I'm not saying that I wish I could change it all because if I did it would totally change who I am now and what I've become. All I'm saying is, it would've been nice to change at least 1.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Fear (no not the lily allen song)
It's odd that I find myself on this very familiar screen yet again. I find it odd that I find myself writing again, well they do say that it's so much easier to write when you're feeling emotional so go figure.
Just a few realizations of the day.
-Being alone in front of a laptop on your bed while surfing/writing and listening to songs with your headphones on is quite enjoyable.
-The most shallow things that you never would've figured would trigger emotions do.
-Basketball is a very physical sport. (My whole body is just aching.)
Forgive me if this entry doesn't have any pattern whatsoever but seriously I just miss writing down my thoughts.
Have you guys ever been infatuated? Do you ever understand it? Have you ever been in a situation in which you find yourself getting unusually melancholy just because you haven't talked to somebody that you only talked to ONCE in your life? Somebody you actually "run" away from whenever you see them just because of sheer I dunno maybe fear? But don't get me wrong it's not the kind of fear you get out of watching The Exorcist or what not, it's more of like my God if I screw this up this is gonna be screwed up forever. Well I have, and I'm supposed to have no problems with talking to people, but when it comes to people who matter I end up buckling up and wanting to go home and assuming a fetal position in bed. The worst part about it is, you really can't do anything about it.
I haven't felt this way since high-school and I actually thought I went past that stage already. The funny thing is I've interviewed international celebrities and I've never buckled this way before not in a way in which you can't even glance at the person, or flash a smile her way or at least wave. I mean seriously Gino what's wrong with waving hello? I'm sure there's really nothing wrong with it, but I'm sure there's something wrong with me. When I figure out what that is, I'll be sure to let you know.
Normally I'd hate myself from signing off this blog in such a way but today, and for the past couple of weeks or so it's very understandable.
-The Pussy, a.k.a. Gino-
Just a few realizations of the day.
-Being alone in front of a laptop on your bed while surfing/writing and listening to songs with your headphones on is quite enjoyable.
-The most shallow things that you never would've figured would trigger emotions do.
-Basketball is a very physical sport. (My whole body is just aching.)
Forgive me if this entry doesn't have any pattern whatsoever but seriously I just miss writing down my thoughts.
Have you guys ever been infatuated? Do you ever understand it? Have you ever been in a situation in which you find yourself getting unusually melancholy just because you haven't talked to somebody that you only talked to ONCE in your life? Somebody you actually "run" away from whenever you see them just because of sheer I dunno maybe fear? But don't get me wrong it's not the kind of fear you get out of watching The Exorcist or what not, it's more of like my God if I screw this up this is gonna be screwed up forever. Well I have, and I'm supposed to have no problems with talking to people, but when it comes to people who matter I end up buckling up and wanting to go home and assuming a fetal position in bed. The worst part about it is, you really can't do anything about it.
I haven't felt this way since high-school and I actually thought I went past that stage already. The funny thing is I've interviewed international celebrities and I've never buckled this way before not in a way in which you can't even glance at the person, or flash a smile her way or at least wave. I mean seriously Gino what's wrong with waving hello? I'm sure there's really nothing wrong with it, but I'm sure there's something wrong with me. When I figure out what that is, I'll be sure to let you know.
Normally I'd hate myself from signing off this blog in such a way but today, and for the past couple of weeks or so it's very understandable.
-The Pussy, a.k.a. Gino-
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Science Fiction, what's not to love?
So I did say that I would sort of turn this into a gaming blog since it's one of the most influential things in my life. Okay that's an understatement, If i had 1 word to describe who I really am I'd say gamer.
First on the chopping board is Mass Effect, so for all you gamers out there I'm pretty sure you've already heard of this game but for you non-gamers It's a science fiction game that's on all platforms from the 360 to the PC.
Now I don't know about you guys but for me in my world of gaming the story of a game is amazingly important. I don't just play no-brainer games (well fine maybe I do sometimes just for stress killing), but what really compels me to play a game from start to finish is the story line. Now Mass Effect is just amazing! story wise it's got a really interesting pseudo movie feel to it, and if you're a big fan of sci-fi then this game is just for you. It's got all the interesting elements to it, oppression with regards to the human race, the pressure of extinction, the scary "you-don't-know-what-you're-up-against" feel, and of course love.
I first played the pc-version of it and I finished it there as well, now the way I play games, I play to finish it the fastest way possible and then once I'm done with the story that's when I start to really take my time, go and check out all the quests and stuff and basically just take advantage of the replayability and the free-roaming factor of the game. I'm currently re-playing it on the xbox and I gotta say despite the fact that I already know how it ends I still love the game or maybe it's because of the fact that it reminds me of star trek since after a few hours of play you get to command your own ship. Oh and did I also mention that there are multiple endings for this game?
Here's the story so far, no spoilers so no worries :)
At the very start of the game, it'll ask you to input your profile, basically your character's background, as of now I'm a war hero who fended of a whole platoon single-handedly while waiting for reinforcements to arrive. Now the galaxy is obviously inhabited by humans and other races, some of which are turians, quarians and krogans. Now the galaxy's governing body is called the council which is made up of older races, humans not included since apparently humans are a relatively young race.
The council has a special task-force, a right-hand governing agency if you will called SPECTRES. Now spectres are a group of elite soldiers a little bit like delta force or maybe the israeli mosad, or U.K's MI-6 only difference is the only higher authority than the spectres is the council itself. When you're a part of the SPECTRES, you answer only to the council and no one else, basically bypassing all forms of law-enforcement agencies and rules. Now since you create your own background you're pretty much a hero of the human race and a prime candidate for the first ever human to be part of the spectres. And this is where your journey begins.
I guess this is one of those games that are a just a little bit complicated for your newbie gamer, but if you know your way around an RPG, like neverwinter nights or final fantasy maybe then this game is for you, specially if you loved star wars : knights of the old republic.
Science Fiction really is the way to a geek's heart.
First on the chopping board is Mass Effect, so for all you gamers out there I'm pretty sure you've already heard of this game but for you non-gamers It's a science fiction game that's on all platforms from the 360 to the PC.
Now I don't know about you guys but for me in my world of gaming the story of a game is amazingly important. I don't just play no-brainer games (well fine maybe I do sometimes just for stress killing), but what really compels me to play a game from start to finish is the story line. Now Mass Effect is just amazing! story wise it's got a really interesting pseudo movie feel to it, and if you're a big fan of sci-fi then this game is just for you. It's got all the interesting elements to it, oppression with regards to the human race, the pressure of extinction, the scary "you-don't-know-what-you're-up-against" feel, and of course love.
I first played the pc-version of it and I finished it there as well, now the way I play games, I play to finish it the fastest way possible and then once I'm done with the story that's when I start to really take my time, go and check out all the quests and stuff and basically just take advantage of the replayability and the free-roaming factor of the game. I'm currently re-playing it on the xbox and I gotta say despite the fact that I already know how it ends I still love the game or maybe it's because of the fact that it reminds me of star trek since after a few hours of play you get to command your own ship. Oh and did I also mention that there are multiple endings for this game?
Here's the story so far, no spoilers so no worries :)
At the very start of the game, it'll ask you to input your profile, basically your character's background, as of now I'm a war hero who fended of a whole platoon single-handedly while waiting for reinforcements to arrive. Now the galaxy is obviously inhabited by humans and other races, some of which are turians, quarians and krogans. Now the galaxy's governing body is called the council which is made up of older races, humans not included since apparently humans are a relatively young race.
The council has a special task-force, a right-hand governing agency if you will called SPECTRES. Now spectres are a group of elite soldiers a little bit like delta force or maybe the israeli mosad, or U.K's MI-6 only difference is the only higher authority than the spectres is the council itself. When you're a part of the SPECTRES, you answer only to the council and no one else, basically bypassing all forms of law-enforcement agencies and rules. Now since you create your own background you're pretty much a hero of the human race and a prime candidate for the first ever human to be part of the spectres. And this is where your journey begins.
I guess this is one of those games that are a just a little bit complicated for your newbie gamer, but if you know your way around an RPG, like neverwinter nights or final fantasy maybe then this game is for you, specially if you loved star wars : knights of the old republic.
Science Fiction really is the way to a geek's heart.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Technology, Man's new master.
I feel naked today, I feel so hollow and uneasy.
I kid you not when I say that everyone is insanely attached to technology nowadays, everyone's so dependent on it. Would any of us live a day in the days of old where they had no electricity? no plumbing? no cars? no means of communication? In Sci-Fi ways, yes technology does make us better in a way that now we can kill a man with just the pull of a trigger but do you really consider that better? I mean in the olden days you had to be skilled, it took years for a man to master a blade, or if you go back even before that, people used their bare hands which I'm sure took even more skill. Can you imagine doing homework nowadays without the help of the internet? Actually doing research in a library without lights, using a candle and all that? I bet you, 80-85% of people nowadays can't even start a fire without a lighter or a match. I'm pretty sure you can't tell time by the sun as well and don't feel bad coz well I'm one of these people.
If this is how things are now, I wonder how things are going to be like in the year 3000 or something. I don't think we'll even be walking, that scene from wall-e where everyone was just fat is a very very likely possibility.
Today... I left my cellphone at home, 4 hours at the station without a phone is torture.
I kid you not when I say that everyone is insanely attached to technology nowadays, everyone's so dependent on it. Would any of us live a day in the days of old where they had no electricity? no plumbing? no cars? no means of communication? In Sci-Fi ways, yes technology does make us better in a way that now we can kill a man with just the pull of a trigger but do you really consider that better? I mean in the olden days you had to be skilled, it took years for a man to master a blade, or if you go back even before that, people used their bare hands which I'm sure took even more skill. Can you imagine doing homework nowadays without the help of the internet? Actually doing research in a library without lights, using a candle and all that? I bet you, 80-85% of people nowadays can't even start a fire without a lighter or a match. I'm pretty sure you can't tell time by the sun as well and don't feel bad coz well I'm one of these people.
If this is how things are now, I wonder how things are going to be like in the year 3000 or something. I don't think we'll even be walking, that scene from wall-e where everyone was just fat is a very very likely possibility.
Today... I left my cellphone at home, 4 hours at the station without a phone is torture.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
On pride and Twitter, or should i say "pride & twitteruice"
It started out as a pretty normal show today which turned into a small competition on who had more twitter followers, just a simple bet at first then it friggin snow-balled into a (well in my definition) serious competition between Fran & I.
Basically by monday next week, May4 at the very end of the show, whoever has more followers on twitter wins, and well here are the consequences.
If I lose, I have to take a photo of myself in a dress, with make up, and lights.. basically the whole 9 yards, (courtesy of treiz)
If I Win, Fran has to do a Marilyn Monroe impression photo complete with the white dress with the fan blowing it up and the blonde wig heck we should throw in the mole too of course (hopefully courtesy of treiz still).
Sometimes I seriously get in wayyyyy ahead of myself, I mean just the thought of me in a dress is simply absurd. So Please, do the world a favor and instead of creating an abominable picture of me in a dress, put Fran in a white one dressed as Marilyn Monroe and follow me on twitter. =)
www.twitter.com/ginoboi
--you'll make the world a better place. for real.
Basically by monday next week, May4 at the very end of the show, whoever has more followers on twitter wins, and well here are the consequences.
If I lose, I have to take a photo of myself in a dress, with make up, and lights.. basically the whole 9 yards, (courtesy of treiz)
If I Win, Fran has to do a Marilyn Monroe impression photo complete with the white dress with the fan blowing it up and the blonde wig heck we should throw in the mole too of course (hopefully courtesy of treiz still).
Sometimes I seriously get in wayyyyy ahead of myself, I mean just the thought of me in a dress is simply absurd. So Please, do the world a favor and instead of creating an abominable picture of me in a dress, put Fran in a white one dressed as Marilyn Monroe and follow me on twitter. =)
www.twitter.com/ginoboi
--you'll make the world a better place. for real.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Bird crazy
Everyone's going crazy over twitter, seriously and is it only me or does everyone find it amusing that every time there are too many tweets on twitter it shows this funny loading screen of little birds carrying a whale.
I find it amusing, or maybe I'm just shallow.
I seriously think that one of these days, the wall-e human situation is gonna push through. One of these days people are gonna be so attached to their chairs and computers that our bodies wont be able to support out weight standing up, that we'll all be fat, and glued to our movable computer chairs.
If that's the case, I'm way ahead of everyone on this trend. Think of it this way, fashion goes around in circles, fads do the same thing. In the renaissance period men with bellies were cool. Abs were un-cool. I should have been born way earlier. Quality over quantity, 1 big AB is so much better than 6 small ones. Right? I'm pretty sure everyone who agrees to this has a gut like I do.
My train of thought is completely scattered today, derailed would be an understatement.
"Sufferin suckatash"(as Sylvester would say)
http://twitter.com/ginoboi -------- Tweet me.
I find it amusing, or maybe I'm just shallow.
I seriously think that one of these days, the wall-e human situation is gonna push through. One of these days people are gonna be so attached to their chairs and computers that our bodies wont be able to support out weight standing up, that we'll all be fat, and glued to our movable computer chairs.
If that's the case, I'm way ahead of everyone on this trend. Think of it this way, fashion goes around in circles, fads do the same thing. In the renaissance period men with bellies were cool. Abs were un-cool. I should have been born way earlier. Quality over quantity, 1 big AB is so much better than 6 small ones. Right? I'm pretty sure everyone who agrees to this has a gut like I do.
My train of thought is completely scattered today, derailed would be an understatement.
"Sufferin suckatash"(as Sylvester would say)
http://twitter.com/ginoboi -------- Tweet me.
Monday, April 13, 2009
help out a friend, your post-lenten season sacrifice =)
so i'm helping out a really good friend of mine, it's a school project so please help out. If you have a facebook account all you have to do is go to this site and click become a fan :) please please! consider this as a post-lenten good deed =) cheers!
http://www.facebook.com/apps/application.php?id=90451501760
http://www.facebook.com/apps/application.php?id=90451501760
Friday, April 10, 2009
lies anyone?
What is the basis of a white lie? Is it really so bad? I know that lying is basically bad, but is there ever a situation where hiding the truth or lying is acceptable?
Whenever you do the right thing for some weird reason it always blows up in your face, sometimes it's so tempting to just lie about it and just get away with so many things or cause no damage whatsoever. I mean really think about it, in certain situations when you hide or lie about something to not cause pain then you're doing a good thing. More like a the end justifies the means sort of thing you know. But when is it ever really right to just lie or hide something?
If you have the answer to this question please let me know. I'm finding it very hard to answer this.
Whenever you do the right thing for some weird reason it always blows up in your face, sometimes it's so tempting to just lie about it and just get away with so many things or cause no damage whatsoever. I mean really think about it, in certain situations when you hide or lie about something to not cause pain then you're doing a good thing. More like a the end justifies the means sort of thing you know. But when is it ever really right to just lie or hide something?
If you have the answer to this question please let me know. I'm finding it very hard to answer this.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Excitement and a dying cause.
Yet again, I find myself in starbucks sitting down, this time with a not so familiar drink in my hand, It's an Iced soy green tea latte (thanks to jolly) which I think is awesome.
A couple of days ago I discovered the wonders of twitter, and the celebrities that come along with it. Now for those of you who tune in to RX all the time and listen to Jumpstart or whatever show it is that I find myself on every now and then, you'll know for a fact that I'm hopelessly devoted to
Kate Beckinsale, who on twitter is known as KBWiseman (since she's married to Underworld director Len Wiseman). I took a leap of faith adding her up pretty much expecting to be rejected since it was an account that was set on private. Much to my surprise she allowed me to follow her 2 days after.
I was talking to fran about it and I had decided to send her a message, just to say thank you for letting me add her up and basically tell her that I'm a big fan of hers, so much of a fan in fact that when she added me on twitter we had to talk about it on radio.
2 days after she replied telling me that I had a great job, and that without DJs music wouldn't be trendy and introduced properly without us. I took that as a huge compliment, aside from the fact that KATE BECKINSALE added me up and messaged me personally. I guess I just never thought that in this lifetime I'd actually get to communicate with her. A boy can dream.
I could go on about this more, but ever since I started this post I knew that it wouldn't last for long since I'm at a starbucks with no outlet for plugging in your laptops. Odd, yes, but so is the idea of Kate Beckinsale messaging me.
A couple of days ago I discovered the wonders of twitter, and the celebrities that come along with it. Now for those of you who tune in to RX all the time and listen to Jumpstart or whatever show it is that I find myself on every now and then, you'll know for a fact that I'm hopelessly devoted to
Kate Beckinsale, who on twitter is known as KBWiseman (since she's married to Underworld director Len Wiseman). I took a leap of faith adding her up pretty much expecting to be rejected since it was an account that was set on private. Much to my surprise she allowed me to follow her 2 days after.
I was talking to fran about it and I had decided to send her a message, just to say thank you for letting me add her up and basically tell her that I'm a big fan of hers, so much of a fan in fact that when she added me on twitter we had to talk about it on radio.
2 days after she replied telling me that I had a great job, and that without DJs music wouldn't be trendy and introduced properly without us. I took that as a huge compliment, aside from the fact that KATE BECKINSALE added me up and messaged me personally. I guess I just never thought that in this lifetime I'd actually get to communicate with her. A boy can dream.
I could go on about this more, but ever since I started this post I knew that it wouldn't last for long since I'm at a starbucks with no outlet for plugging in your laptops. Odd, yes, but so is the idea of Kate Beckinsale messaging me.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Written
I feel like the Doogie Howser MD theme should be playing in the background while i type this in.
I was planning on getting a massage today after boardwork, unfortunately the place that I would usually go to was already closed so I decided to just go home instead. I checked out the new DVDs I had and I started watching slum dog millionaire in the hopes that it would put me to sleep already, it did the exact opposite. The movie for me was absolutely captivating, and it really made me think a lot. For those of you who haven't seen it yet it deals a lot with destiny. This got me to thinking, do people really still believe in destiny? Do you honestly think that a certain path is written down for a man or woman to fulfill in his life?
More often than not life gives you very unexpected turns, things that you would never do in a million years but you end up doing them anyway. At one point in life I'm pretty sure you thought that you had a brilliant plan laid out, and you were so sure about it too. But what if something you didn't expect, something you didn't plan out deviated you from that path? What if you suddenly found yourself in a very strange road that was not at all familiar. Will you eventually get back on that path? Is an unexpected turn of events just a momentary bump to hinder you from getting to the end goal? or does it change completely because of that bump?
I know I may not be making much sense to most of you, but I guess I just have so many questions about life right now. I'd seen myself going to a very specific end goal before, and I was so sure of it. Bumps happened and now as much as I still want to end up in that specific place, I don't know if the universe will allow it, with all the complications in life, I don't know if it'll still end up the same way I always thought it out to be. I know i can plow through whatever challenge life throws at me, but at the end will I be standing there alone? In a place that's so unfamiliar, so alien, so strange to me? Or will it all still be the same. I think it was machiavelli who said the end justifies the means, so I guess the last question I have in my head now is if you change the means, will the end result still be the same?
I was planning on getting a massage today after boardwork, unfortunately the place that I would usually go to was already closed so I decided to just go home instead. I checked out the new DVDs I had and I started watching slum dog millionaire in the hopes that it would put me to sleep already, it did the exact opposite. The movie for me was absolutely captivating, and it really made me think a lot. For those of you who haven't seen it yet it deals a lot with destiny. This got me to thinking, do people really still believe in destiny? Do you honestly think that a certain path is written down for a man or woman to fulfill in his life?
More often than not life gives you very unexpected turns, things that you would never do in a million years but you end up doing them anyway. At one point in life I'm pretty sure you thought that you had a brilliant plan laid out, and you were so sure about it too. But what if something you didn't expect, something you didn't plan out deviated you from that path? What if you suddenly found yourself in a very strange road that was not at all familiar. Will you eventually get back on that path? Is an unexpected turn of events just a momentary bump to hinder you from getting to the end goal? or does it change completely because of that bump?
I know I may not be making much sense to most of you, but I guess I just have so many questions about life right now. I'd seen myself going to a very specific end goal before, and I was so sure of it. Bumps happened and now as much as I still want to end up in that specific place, I don't know if the universe will allow it, with all the complications in life, I don't know if it'll still end up the same way I always thought it out to be. I know i can plow through whatever challenge life throws at me, but at the end will I be standing there alone? In a place that's so unfamiliar, so alien, so strange to me? Or will it all still be the same. I think it was machiavelli who said the end justifies the means, so I guess the last question I have in my head now is if you change the means, will the end result still be the same?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
journey to the center of me.
I'm sitting in a starbucks that is very familiar, with my ever familiar low-fat mocha frappucino with no chocolate drip and no whipped cream with so many thoughts running through my mind.
I never really knew the importance of a few days. I always thought that if it was important enough it could always wait for the right time. I never found much value with the saying carpe diem until today. It's amazing how in a few days so many variables in life can change. That in so little time so many life-changing things could occur. I feel like I'm back in high school where everything was just extremely emotional and everything made you feel like you could take away your own life.
I've never truly been alone in my life, I've always had a safety net of sorts, I know that no man is an island but at this point I think it's about time I learned to stand on my own. If I ever read this in the future and I'm having doubts about myself or whatever situation I'm in. Here's a message to future me. Don't give up, really think about something before you do it and if you've thought it thru, do it right away. Regret is one of the most painful emotions ever, I guess I'm feeling that now actually I know that i'm feeling that now. But it's called regret for a reason, it's over and done with and more often than not you can't do anything about it anymore. I pray that I'm able to stand by the decisions that I've made recently and I pray that my resolve doesn't falter. I'd like to think that in every painful experience you have, you learn a lot from it. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much.
I'm now embarking on a journey to know who I really am and i'm sort of looking at it in a positive way. I know that whatever it is that I find in myself is something that I will like, something that I'll be content with and maybe then I can move forward. I hope that I don't have a lot idle moments because I know for a fact that everytime I do i'll be thinking about the mistakes that I've made. My dad told me something today that I've heard before but I've never really paid attention to. An idle mind is the devil's playground. In this scenario the devil is me, and I have to stop playing with myself ( hehe I know that sounds incredibly bad but I'm hoping you know what I mean). I pray for the strength to stand by my choice, I know it's gonna be hard but I hope that I can prove myself wrong. Emotion like my dad said, is governed by will. I hope that my will is strong enough to overcome these amazingly strong emotions. But if there's one thing that these emotions are giving me today, It's something to write about.
I never really knew the importance of a few days. I always thought that if it was important enough it could always wait for the right time. I never found much value with the saying carpe diem until today. It's amazing how in a few days so many variables in life can change. That in so little time so many life-changing things could occur. I feel like I'm back in high school where everything was just extremely emotional and everything made you feel like you could take away your own life.
I've never truly been alone in my life, I've always had a safety net of sorts, I know that no man is an island but at this point I think it's about time I learned to stand on my own. If I ever read this in the future and I'm having doubts about myself or whatever situation I'm in. Here's a message to future me. Don't give up, really think about something before you do it and if you've thought it thru, do it right away. Regret is one of the most painful emotions ever, I guess I'm feeling that now actually I know that i'm feeling that now. But it's called regret for a reason, it's over and done with and more often than not you can't do anything about it anymore. I pray that I'm able to stand by the decisions that I've made recently and I pray that my resolve doesn't falter. I'd like to think that in every painful experience you have, you learn a lot from it. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much.
I'm now embarking on a journey to know who I really am and i'm sort of looking at it in a positive way. I know that whatever it is that I find in myself is something that I will like, something that I'll be content with and maybe then I can move forward. I hope that I don't have a lot idle moments because I know for a fact that everytime I do i'll be thinking about the mistakes that I've made. My dad told me something today that I've heard before but I've never really paid attention to. An idle mind is the devil's playground. In this scenario the devil is me, and I have to stop playing with myself ( hehe I know that sounds incredibly bad but I'm hoping you know what I mean). I pray for the strength to stand by my choice, I know it's gonna be hard but I hope that I can prove myself wrong. Emotion like my dad said, is governed by will. I hope that my will is strong enough to overcome these amazingly strong emotions. But if there's one thing that these emotions are giving me today, It's something to write about.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
epic blog SAVE
25 things that everyone on facebook is pressured to do.. and since I pretty much have so little time to write these days I'll just post this here. hehe
1.First off, damn 25 things?! couldn't they just have made it like 10, I mean, who has 25 random things about themselves handy for situations like these.
2.I'm an extroverted geek, I love playing computer games at home but more often than not I can't stand being alone at home.
3.I like being sexy, although I'm really not and I've never ever been sexy so I wouldn't know how it feels, but I still like the thought.
4.I moved out of my parents house with 4000 pesos in my wallet and no bank account, thankfully I work in radio and TV now. Now I have a bank account with no money and I have less than 4 thousand in my wallet.
5.I'm a secret sap, Only 795 of my friends know this.
6.I don't sleep normal hours, although my room has no windows so it emulates night and that's good enough for me.
7.I dislike sunlight, not because it burns my skin or anything but I hate sweating when I'm not in gym clothes.
8.I'm currently on a canned tuna diet, and I TRY to run around the village every night to lose weight.
9.Damn I miss rice.
10.Damn I miss chocolates
11.Damn I miss softdrinks
12.Damn it all to hell, I'm no longer on a diet.
13.I'm pretty much a walking contradiction, I love to work, but at the same time I wanna just stay home and not do anything, I hate the sun but I love the beach.
14.I seriously need a vacation, just a LITTLE bit of time to get out of town or something
15.I spend at least 5 hours in front of a computer everyday, not because it's my job but simply because I want to. And no I don't allocate all that for porn, that only takes up 4 hours and 45 minutes of the 5.
16.I constantly pray that a mercedes benz slk 350 just drops out of the sky (in perfect condition) for me.
17.I think I'm currently in debt due to my phone bill, I call a lot apparently.
18.Coincidentally my show on RX is called g-spot and my show on ETC is called chillspot.
19.I have two older blood brothers and a ton of brothers from other mothers.
20.I dream of eventually living in a WONDERFUL condominium where everything is just amazingly minimalist.
21.I play basketball with my high-school barkada every Saturday but for some weird reason I don't think I'm getting better at it. ( I expect a lot of responses to this and knowing my barkada none of them will be positive)
22.I was named after a Russian ballerina and a Russian politician, take your pick.
23.I used to hustle pool, now that there's a pool table at home I suck at it.
24.I used to hate blogging but I then realized that it'd be a good writing exercise.
25.I have a blog haha, wwww.geekygangster.blogspot.com
1.First off, damn 25 things?! couldn't they just have made it like 10, I mean, who has 25 random things about themselves handy for situations like these.
2.I'm an extroverted geek, I love playing computer games at home but more often than not I can't stand being alone at home.
3.I like being sexy, although I'm really not and I've never ever been sexy so I wouldn't know how it feels, but I still like the thought.
4.I moved out of my parents house with 4000 pesos in my wallet and no bank account, thankfully I work in radio and TV now. Now I have a bank account with no money and I have less than 4 thousand in my wallet.
5.I'm a secret sap, Only 795 of my friends know this.
6.I don't sleep normal hours, although my room has no windows so it emulates night and that's good enough for me.
7.I dislike sunlight, not because it burns my skin or anything but I hate sweating when I'm not in gym clothes.
8.I'm currently on a canned tuna diet, and I TRY to run around the village every night to lose weight.
9.Damn I miss rice.
10.Damn I miss chocolates
11.Damn I miss softdrinks
12.Damn it all to hell, I'm no longer on a diet.
13.I'm pretty much a walking contradiction, I love to work, but at the same time I wanna just stay home and not do anything, I hate the sun but I love the beach.
14.I seriously need a vacation, just a LITTLE bit of time to get out of town or something
15.I spend at least 5 hours in front of a computer everyday, not because it's my job but simply because I want to. And no I don't allocate all that for porn, that only takes up 4 hours and 45 minutes of the 5.
16.I constantly pray that a mercedes benz slk 350 just drops out of the sky (in perfect condition) for me.
17.I think I'm currently in debt due to my phone bill, I call a lot apparently.
18.Coincidentally my show on RX is called g-spot and my show on ETC is called chillspot.
19.I have two older blood brothers and a ton of brothers from other mothers.
20.I dream of eventually living in a WONDERFUL condominium where everything is just amazingly minimalist.
21.I play basketball with my high-school barkada every Saturday but for some weird reason I don't think I'm getting better at it. ( I expect a lot of responses to this and knowing my barkada none of them will be positive)
22.I was named after a Russian ballerina and a Russian politician, take your pick.
23.I used to hustle pool, now that there's a pool table at home I suck at it.
24.I used to hate blogging but I then realized that it'd be a good writing exercise.
25.I have a blog haha, wwww.geekygangster.blogspo
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Home Improvement
I had another clear dream today, unfortunately it was rudely interrupted by people knocking on my door, but i still remember the details of it. What I don't remember though is the purpose of the dream. Basically I have the setting down but not the plot.
In this dream I had a BEAUTIFUL condominium, I mean don't get me wrong I love where I live in now, but this place in my head was just amazing. I distinctly remember the amazing bedroom that I had in it, It was very minimalist, nice clean lines and most of the colors were earth tones, It was a king sized bed, with nice wenge colored furniture in it. Something else stood out though, in a sea of neutral colors, I had dark blue glass cabinets. I don't exactly know what they're called but I've seen them plenty of times before in different colors. Imagine blue wood with non-glare glass on top of it, with nice sliding doors and all.
Of course I didn't just stay in the room so I eventually ventured out into the living area, and my God it was just such a sexy/sophisticated looking pad. It looked like a catalog for Ikea or Bo Concept. In the middle of it all though there was a tall and thick glass panel, from the floor to the ceiling. It was apparently meant for writing, one of those "boards" where you use like green or orange markers, though underneath the glass was a little pond of sorts complete with stones (the type you find in Japanese rock gardens). There was a little bar by the kitchen too, where I guess more often than not is where you would eat if you were just alone in the house or if you're just having breakfast. Basically everything was just so pristine. I honestly wish that I could draw properly only to give justice to this dream.
Another odd thing was that when I had stepped out into the balcony, It wasn't the Philippines i saw on the outside, It was a different country. I don't know if I should interpret this in the way that I think it should be.
Is this my sub-conscious telling me that if I go out of the country I would be earning so much more and basically living a life of luxury and style? Or does this simply mean I should re-arrange my furniture?
In this dream I had a BEAUTIFUL condominium, I mean don't get me wrong I love where I live in now, but this place in my head was just amazing. I distinctly remember the amazing bedroom that I had in it, It was very minimalist, nice clean lines and most of the colors were earth tones, It was a king sized bed, with nice wenge colored furniture in it. Something else stood out though, in a sea of neutral colors, I had dark blue glass cabinets. I don't exactly know what they're called but I've seen them plenty of times before in different colors. Imagine blue wood with non-glare glass on top of it, with nice sliding doors and all.
Of course I didn't just stay in the room so I eventually ventured out into the living area, and my God it was just such a sexy/sophisticated looking pad. It looked like a catalog for Ikea or Bo Concept. In the middle of it all though there was a tall and thick glass panel, from the floor to the ceiling. It was apparently meant for writing, one of those "boards" where you use like green or orange markers, though underneath the glass was a little pond of sorts complete with stones (the type you find in Japanese rock gardens). There was a little bar by the kitchen too, where I guess more often than not is where you would eat if you were just alone in the house or if you're just having breakfast. Basically everything was just so pristine. I honestly wish that I could draw properly only to give justice to this dream.
Another odd thing was that when I had stepped out into the balcony, It wasn't the Philippines i saw on the outside, It was a different country. I don't know if I should interpret this in the way that I think it should be.
Is this my sub-conscious telling me that if I go out of the country I would be earning so much more and basically living a life of luxury and style? Or does this simply mean I should re-arrange my furniture?
Friday, January 23, 2009
Parental Disclaimer
I truly feel that I had to write something on this because I guess for me this is one of the biggest enigmas in the world. I just finished watching meet the fockers and well a thought just dawned on me. Has anyone ever truly unlocked the secrets of parent-pleasing?
This I guess has always been a challenge for me because more often than not I'm very bad when it comes to parents in general, I mean except of course for my own. My biggest problem is that I'm EXTREMELY shy when it comes to parents and I guess they mistake that for being insincere, or they think I'm hiding something, or I deal pot, or I'm just cocky and I don't talk to parents. But see that's the thing, for me when I'm too comfortable with parents I feel like THAT'S being too cocky, because if you get too comfortable it's like your putting yourself on the same level that they are, which for me is really not supposed to be the case. No matter how successful you are, or how famous you are you will never really be equal to your friends parents. They've endured so much more than you & I have and for me that equates to adopting the "do not speak unless spoken to" mantra. I feel like that's the respect that they should be given. That's the respect that they should have.
Of course this doesn't bode too well for me, because like I said they often misinterpret it as a sign of disrespect. But you see if they could only understand that the reason why I'm extremely shy and quiet around them, then they would realize that "hey, this guy's just respecting me". I usually can't look parents straight in the eye much like a servant would not look at his queen's face. "I'm not worthy" is pretty much what goes through my head when moments like that occur. I don't know if this is all a part of the whole generation-gap thing, but I just hope that I make parents in general understand why people like me do that, because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has this problem. I've seen people who become close to parents in a heartbeat and honestly I don't know how they do it and I envy them. I mean it's not like I have anything to hide, I don't deal drugs, I'm not a convict or whatever, and basically I'm a pretty decent guy. Maybe some people are just born with that parental connection, and maybe some aren't, but maybe the reason why I'm posting this is in the hopes that someday parents will understand why guys like me will have a hard time being too chatty with them or TOO comfortable. We're not hiding anything we're just extremely respectful.
If anyone out there has a parental-pleasing guide, let me know and I'll try to use that as much as I can, Heck I'd memorize it if I had to.
This I guess has always been a challenge for me because more often than not I'm very bad when it comes to parents in general, I mean except of course for my own. My biggest problem is that I'm EXTREMELY shy when it comes to parents and I guess they mistake that for being insincere, or they think I'm hiding something, or I deal pot, or I'm just cocky and I don't talk to parents. But see that's the thing, for me when I'm too comfortable with parents I feel like THAT'S being too cocky, because if you get too comfortable it's like your putting yourself on the same level that they are, which for me is really not supposed to be the case. No matter how successful you are, or how famous you are you will never really be equal to your friends parents. They've endured so much more than you & I have and for me that equates to adopting the "do not speak unless spoken to" mantra. I feel like that's the respect that they should be given. That's the respect that they should have.
Of course this doesn't bode too well for me, because like I said they often misinterpret it as a sign of disrespect. But you see if they could only understand that the reason why I'm extremely shy and quiet around them, then they would realize that "hey, this guy's just respecting me". I usually can't look parents straight in the eye much like a servant would not look at his queen's face. "I'm not worthy" is pretty much what goes through my head when moments like that occur. I don't know if this is all a part of the whole generation-gap thing, but I just hope that I make parents in general understand why people like me do that, because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has this problem. I've seen people who become close to parents in a heartbeat and honestly I don't know how they do it and I envy them. I mean it's not like I have anything to hide, I don't deal drugs, I'm not a convict or whatever, and basically I'm a pretty decent guy. Maybe some people are just born with that parental connection, and maybe some aren't, but maybe the reason why I'm posting this is in the hopes that someday parents will understand why guys like me will have a hard time being too chatty with them or TOO comfortable. We're not hiding anything we're just extremely respectful.
If anyone out there has a parental-pleasing guide, let me know and I'll try to use that as much as I can, Heck I'd memorize it if I had to.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
2009 Unravels
It's only been 22 days into the new year and usually i would think nothing interesting would really happen this early in the year.
I had a pretty phenomenal year last year, 2008 was the start of a lot of big things for me so naturally i would think that last year would've been a really hard year to top in terms of success and all of that. I had just recently gotten the amazing job of being a DJ at RX 93.1 since I won Radio Idol season 4. That in itself i think is a pretty big achievement already. July of 2007, I was jobless and thinking of ways on how to pay rent for the place which i was staying in. One day my best-friend talked to me asking for a ride to RX to audition for radio idol and he said "Why don't you bring a resume and audition with me?" and the rest is history. So here i was starting out 2008 as a Jock for RX thinking to myself "this isn't bad at all". Hosting gigs came with the territory making it easier for me to provide for myself since I was living independently. Couple of months later one of the former RX jocks asked me to audition for a TV show on ETC. My self-confidence wasn't really in the best shape since well I wasn't in the best shape but against my judgment I did audition. Weeks had passed and I thought to myself "I'm never gonna get that job". Yet again I was surprised to find out that they did get me, despite my being a little chubby they opted to get me and my supposed competitor. It ended up to be one of the coolest things that I ever got to do, I love my 2 co-hosts, the producers and everyone else there. Well basically I just loved the jobs that i had.
Now for me this is a pretty big achievement, from moving out of my house jobless to ending up with 2 pretty hard to get to jobs in just less than a year. I had started seeing a side of me which I never really saw before. Responsibility started popping out in my vocabulary and I began to hate procrastinating, being idle and well just being a bum. Now the year was about to come to an end then I started to realize that this would be a REALLY hard year to top which saddened me a little bit mostly because I wanted to constantly progress and I had feared that I had climaxed too early or something to that effect. I was extremely thankful for the year 2008 but I had been dreading 2009 since I thought that it'd only bring disappointment or stagnation.
2009 is starting to unravel in front of my eyes, and from the looks of it, this is going to be a pretty amazing year. Of course I expect bumps to come up every now and then, but with the news I heard today and if everything pushes through it's going to be a GREAT year and I'm pretty much way in over my head again. Although so far I've been able to deal with that and I'm extremely ecstatic about the direction that I'm going to. I can't disclose any details yet, but if I could use one word to describe it, it would be...
EXCITING.
I had a pretty phenomenal year last year, 2008 was the start of a lot of big things for me so naturally i would think that last year would've been a really hard year to top in terms of success and all of that. I had just recently gotten the amazing job of being a DJ at RX 93.1 since I won Radio Idol season 4. That in itself i think is a pretty big achievement already. July of 2007, I was jobless and thinking of ways on how to pay rent for the place which i was staying in. One day my best-friend talked to me asking for a ride to RX to audition for radio idol and he said "Why don't you bring a resume and audition with me?" and the rest is history. So here i was starting out 2008 as a Jock for RX thinking to myself "this isn't bad at all". Hosting gigs came with the territory making it easier for me to provide for myself since I was living independently. Couple of months later one of the former RX jocks asked me to audition for a TV show on ETC. My self-confidence wasn't really in the best shape since well I wasn't in the best shape but against my judgment I did audition. Weeks had passed and I thought to myself "I'm never gonna get that job". Yet again I was surprised to find out that they did get me, despite my being a little chubby they opted to get me and my supposed competitor. It ended up to be one of the coolest things that I ever got to do, I love my 2 co-hosts, the producers and everyone else there. Well basically I just loved the jobs that i had.
Now for me this is a pretty big achievement, from moving out of my house jobless to ending up with 2 pretty hard to get to jobs in just less than a year. I had started seeing a side of me which I never really saw before. Responsibility started popping out in my vocabulary and I began to hate procrastinating, being idle and well just being a bum. Now the year was about to come to an end then I started to realize that this would be a REALLY hard year to top which saddened me a little bit mostly because I wanted to constantly progress and I had feared that I had climaxed too early or something to that effect. I was extremely thankful for the year 2008 but I had been dreading 2009 since I thought that it'd only bring disappointment or stagnation.
2009 is starting to unravel in front of my eyes, and from the looks of it, this is going to be a pretty amazing year. Of course I expect bumps to come up every now and then, but with the news I heard today and if everything pushes through it's going to be a GREAT year and I'm pretty much way in over my head again. Although so far I've been able to deal with that and I'm extremely ecstatic about the direction that I'm going to. I can't disclose any details yet, but if I could use one word to describe it, it would be...
EXCITING.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
There's a first for everything
I always told myself that i would never actually get into blogging...
I guess that was a lie judging from the fact that I'm already writing my first post ever. Truth be told I guess i just miss writing. I used to write a lot of short stories back in high school and in my early college years and for some strange reason i just stopped writing. I remember telling a friend of mine that the reason behind this was "when you're young you're very very emotional, and despite the fact that more things happen in your adult life now you're more in control of your emotions". I'm trying to remember now who said that all good writers are very emotional people, well either that or they were always drunk or on something, like Edgar Allan Poe. So hopefully I'll get to tap into my emotional side again so i can at least come up with something decent, though now that i think about it more often than not i was depressed back in the day so I guess what I'm really hoping for is to just tap the emotional side of me in a positive way.
A really amazing friend told me today that i should come up with a dream journal since i always remember my dreams and they're always these vivid pictures of a "perfect" life. maybe that's a good way to start writing again.
So it all started on a baseball field, apparently in this dream i had become a family man. I had 2 kids, 1 son and a daughter, of course my wife was standing there right beside me. Now i have pretty vivid graphic dreams but i can't ever come up with names for the people in them so I'll be putting random names to my dream characters. I can't really come up with any nice names for my children so for the sake of functionality i guess I'll just name the boy Blue and the girl would be Pink (I know it's not very imaginative but hey it's 4:36am) and my wife hmm... let's say Bella (since i just saw a twilight ad on the net a couple of minutes ago).
So we were standing in the baseball field my 2 kids were part of the little league team in a village over at Sta. Rosa, Westgrove to be exact (I'm pretty sure they don't have a baseball field there but hey it's a dream after all). The umpire had made a few bad calls when it came to my children playing naturally as the father I started getting pissed off and i was immediately thrown out of the game mostly because of the fact that I really wasn't the coach (Like a scene from old school where Vince Vaughn had been thrown out of a soccer game for his bad behavior, only the difference is HE was actually the coach). So here i am stark raving mad then i walk on over to my shiny silver SLK230, which i find very odd mostly because of the fact that I USUALLY want all my cars to be black aside from the obvious fact that i don't really drive around in a Mercedes. So i started driving back to the house. I had opened the gate of the wonderful glass house that I apparently lived in and parked my car with my wife's car following closely behind. She was driving a black Mercedes ML500 SUV (I just found it very weird that her car was black, is my subconscious telling me that I'd be giving up my wants just to make my family happy? I'm not really sure so I guess I'll have to consult somebody for that). So i was still pretty much mad but then Bella came up to me and just kissed me on the cheek and just because of that I had felt so much relief that I had completely forgotten about what I was stressing out. Blue and pink had already gone inside the house so Bella and I followed them as fast as we could. The minute i had walked into the house I had acted like it was nothing new in my dream but when I was thinking about it in real life it was truly a BEAUTIFUL house, very minimalist, very stylish and very bright (I mean it was a glasshouse after all). It had nice dark wooden planks for flooring, white or maybe beige walls, gorgeously designed ceilings complete with wooden beams and all, great lighting and a very nice black marble or maybe granite kitchen counter. The first thing i did as i walked into the house was head on over to the kitchen to prepare food because my parents were apparently joining my family for lunch since they lived in the same village.
See the thing with dreams is that while you're in it you don't really appreciate too many things in it, but the minute you wake up you suddenly see all these wonderfully intricate details and emotions attached to the dream itself. When I analyzed the dream I just realized how much pleasing my parents meant to me and how much I really want them to be part of my weekly routine even if I already had my own family.
My parents had just arrived together with my 2 older brothers, 1 of which had 2 children. Blue and Pink had run on over to the gate to welcome their grandparents, uncles and cousins, while Bella and I were pretty much busy setting up the table for them. We had a pretty ordinary lunch which i guess means that we had this every weekend and this wasn't anything new to well basically "dream" me. I don't exactly remember what happened after that, my dream had skipped a couple of hours to when Blue and Pink were in bed for an afternoon nap. Bella and I decided to go cycling around the village to the local gazebo where there was a garden over-looking a nice little meadow. Bella pulled out the red and white cloth where we were going to enjoy our little afternoon picnic is (I know, I know this is really typical, the checkered cloth I mean. I think every movie-picnic scene has this). Basically the rest of the dream was just bliss with Bella.
I guess this dream made me realize how much of a sap I really am, either that or I'm watching way too many romantic movies..
I guess that was a lie judging from the fact that I'm already writing my first post ever. Truth be told I guess i just miss writing. I used to write a lot of short stories back in high school and in my early college years and for some strange reason i just stopped writing. I remember telling a friend of mine that the reason behind this was "when you're young you're very very emotional, and despite the fact that more things happen in your adult life now you're more in control of your emotions". I'm trying to remember now who said that all good writers are very emotional people, well either that or they were always drunk or on something, like Edgar Allan Poe. So hopefully I'll get to tap into my emotional side again so i can at least come up with something decent, though now that i think about it more often than not i was depressed back in the day so I guess what I'm really hoping for is to just tap the emotional side of me in a positive way.
A really amazing friend told me today that i should come up with a dream journal since i always remember my dreams and they're always these vivid pictures of a "perfect" life. maybe that's a good way to start writing again.
So it all started on a baseball field, apparently in this dream i had become a family man. I had 2 kids, 1 son and a daughter, of course my wife was standing there right beside me. Now i have pretty vivid graphic dreams but i can't ever come up with names for the people in them so I'll be putting random names to my dream characters. I can't really come up with any nice names for my children so for the sake of functionality i guess I'll just name the boy Blue and the girl would be Pink (I know it's not very imaginative but hey it's 4:36am) and my wife hmm... let's say Bella (since i just saw a twilight ad on the net a couple of minutes ago).
So we were standing in the baseball field my 2 kids were part of the little league team in a village over at Sta. Rosa, Westgrove to be exact (I'm pretty sure they don't have a baseball field there but hey it's a dream after all). The umpire had made a few bad calls when it came to my children playing naturally as the father I started getting pissed off and i was immediately thrown out of the game mostly because of the fact that I really wasn't the coach (Like a scene from old school where Vince Vaughn had been thrown out of a soccer game for his bad behavior, only the difference is HE was actually the coach). So here i am stark raving mad then i walk on over to my shiny silver SLK230, which i find very odd mostly because of the fact that I USUALLY want all my cars to be black aside from the obvious fact that i don't really drive around in a Mercedes. So i started driving back to the house. I had opened the gate of the wonderful glass house that I apparently lived in and parked my car with my wife's car following closely behind. She was driving a black Mercedes ML500 SUV (I just found it very weird that her car was black, is my subconscious telling me that I'd be giving up my wants just to make my family happy? I'm not really sure so I guess I'll have to consult somebody for that). So i was still pretty much mad but then Bella came up to me and just kissed me on the cheek and just because of that I had felt so much relief that I had completely forgotten about what I was stressing out. Blue and pink had already gone inside the house so Bella and I followed them as fast as we could. The minute i had walked into the house I had acted like it was nothing new in my dream but when I was thinking about it in real life it was truly a BEAUTIFUL house, very minimalist, very stylish and very bright (I mean it was a glasshouse after all). It had nice dark wooden planks for flooring, white or maybe beige walls, gorgeously designed ceilings complete with wooden beams and all, great lighting and a very nice black marble or maybe granite kitchen counter. The first thing i did as i walked into the house was head on over to the kitchen to prepare food because my parents were apparently joining my family for lunch since they lived in the same village.
See the thing with dreams is that while you're in it you don't really appreciate too many things in it, but the minute you wake up you suddenly see all these wonderfully intricate details and emotions attached to the dream itself. When I analyzed the dream I just realized how much pleasing my parents meant to me and how much I really want them to be part of my weekly routine even if I already had my own family.
My parents had just arrived together with my 2 older brothers, 1 of which had 2 children. Blue and Pink had run on over to the gate to welcome their grandparents, uncles and cousins, while Bella and I were pretty much busy setting up the table for them. We had a pretty ordinary lunch which i guess means that we had this every weekend and this wasn't anything new to well basically "dream" me. I don't exactly remember what happened after that, my dream had skipped a couple of hours to when Blue and Pink were in bed for an afternoon nap. Bella and I decided to go cycling around the village to the local gazebo where there was a garden over-looking a nice little meadow. Bella pulled out the red and white cloth where we were going to enjoy our little afternoon picnic is (I know, I know this is really typical, the checkered cloth I mean. I think every movie-picnic scene has this). Basically the rest of the dream was just bliss with Bella.
I guess this dream made me realize how much of a sap I really am, either that or I'm watching way too many romantic movies..
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